


How easily can iron break? - A meta on the Bull

by ScorpioAntares



Series: Metas using Strange Theories [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Character Study, Essays, Gen, Meta, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioAntares/pseuds/ScorpioAntares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After I have made an attempt to create a fairly comprehensible portrait of Dorian Pavus's psychological functioning, I'd like to investigate his Bioware-preferred LI, a Qunari named the Iron Bull. As much as Dorian's characteristic was focused on his inner conflicts and sources of inhibition, I'd like to investigate how the identity known as Iron Bull emerged and tried to coexist with the identity of the Hissrad of Ben-Hassrath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seheron is hell in Thedas

After I have made an attempt to create a fairly comprehensible portrait of Dorian Pavus's psychological functioning, I'd like to investigate his canonic sweetheart, Iron Bull. As much as Dorian's characteristic was focused on his inner conflicts and sources of inhibition, I'd like to investigate how the identity known as Iron Bull emerged and tried to coexist with the identity of the Hissrad of Ben-Hassrath. Once again, I will rely on statements and biographic details given in Dragon Age:Inquisition and The World of Thedas compendium.

This time I have decided not to prepare a separate biographical note, because we mostly know Iron Bull as an adult. Suggestions about his childhood will be mostly drawn from the context of Bull's statements given in DA: Inquisition, and any trivia from _The World of Thedas_ that can be meaningful in that matter.

First, I'd like to cast some light on Bull's service in Seheron which is, in my opinion, decisive if we want to understand how Bull's idiosyncratic traits which got a chance to come to surface. Then, I wish to analyse the peculiar dialectic motion between the identity known as Hissrad and the identity knows as the Iron Bull, also in connection with his command over the Chargers and involvement in the Inquisition. Next, having a fairly complex portrait of Iron Bull, I'd like to add the emotional dimension to my analysis of his relationship with Dorian, and point at some dangers faced by this relationship – dangers which haven't been disclosed in the canon but can be implied from my interpretation of both personalities concerned.

 **Part 1. Seheron is hell in Thedas:**  
**Hissrad's constitutive trauma**

Based on the relevant fragments _The World of Thedas_ , Seheron is portrayed as a place ridden by permanent chaos: human settlers rebelling against the Qunari, Tevinter infiltrators clashing with the Ben-Hassrath, open assaults from both the Qunari and the Imperium, Qunari trying to win civillians' trust, other Qunari turning into Tal-Vashoth because they cannot stand the pressure (see: _The World of Thedas vol. II_ , various authors, Dark Horse Books 2015, p. 240). There, in that Gordian knot of Thedas, presumably in the third decade of the Dragon Age, there's an auspicious Ben-Hassrath agent. A relentlessly devoted agent, gifted with wide horns, musculature, an astonishingly sharp mind and a peculiar ability to win others' trust.

Maximal time of service expected from any Ben-Hassrath on Seheron is two years. This one has endured almost ten, but paid a high price for his perseverance. His career on Seheron ended with an incident that scarred Hissrad for life. His unit was poisoned by a local merchant, just as a school full of children, presumably on the advice of Tal-Vashoth rebels. Hissrad was known to despise hurting civillians, and he promised vengeance. According to _The World of Thedas_ , his action was legal and did not undermine the Qun. But it undermined something just as important: Hissrad lost one of his dearest friends, went rampant and murdered all the Tal-Vashoth in fury. I believe that it is precisely that scene that is reflected in Iron Bull's tarot card, the one available when he becomes a Tal-Vashoth. Medical assistants found him broken down among the corpses, asking to be relieved from his function and reeducated:

> He declared himself unfit for duty and too dangerous to be around civillians [...]. Hissrad submitted himself to the Ben-Hassrath reeducators, asking that he be repaired or destroyed as best served the Qun. (WoT II, p. 241)

Gatt's report on the unfortunate incident is most valuable, as it provides the key to Hissrad's attitude on Seheron. Actually, this short text provides the key to dismissal of Iron Bull's apparent inconsistence. Thus, I cite it whole:

> His state of mind? Am I supposed to say that he wasn't angry? Is that what I'm supposed to say so the reeducators can _fill him full of qamek_ and send him off to break rocks with a hammer for the rest of his life? Because he was angry. Of course he was angry, after what the Tal-Vashoth did to those children. _He's always been angry_ .

> I remember the day he raided my master's ship and rescued me from that bastard. _He butchered them all, and he wasn't calm as he did it_. I'd have been terrified if he was. No, he fought with a righteous fury. He was every ounce of anger I'd been pushing down in my fear. He was rage, and I would have had it no other way.

> He was angry when I finished my education and joined his team in Seheron. He'd smile when he greeted the locals, and he'd banter about the food at breakfast, _but underneath it all, there was always the anger_ . How could he be anything else, after watching his friends die from poison or a knife in the back?

> Did you know his last commander became Tal-Vashoth? Of course you do. You've got records on everything, including the attitude I'm displaying right now that will doubtless come up as an area for improvement. Your people will tell me, and I'll sigh, and I'll take it, because I've seen the world outside the Qun, and while I might bang against the walls of this life, I'd rather be here than anywhere else.

> So would Hissrad. The difference between him and me is that _he's never known anything else._ He grew up in this orderly world you all made, and it all makes sense to him, people make sense, and he thinks that if he does the right thing, then everything will work. He's been in Seheron ten years trying to make everything work, telling himself that he's the tool you made him to be, doing the job he was meant to do. _He hunted down and killed his old commander. He killed civillians working for the rebels. There are times I'm grateful for those Tevinter mages coming in to attack. At least Hissrad doesn't have to argue with himself after he kills them_.

> Now he killed the Tal-Vashoth who killed those children, and he broke himself doing it. _He thinks it's his fault, that he failed to live up to the demands of the Qun. But we all know this isn't really true, is it?_ Seheron was a mess. We and Tevinter made certain of that. We grind ourselves down until we end up dead or turning Tal-Vashoth, and _Hissrad would rather die than do that_.

> He's a good man. He believes in you. You owe him better than what you've done to him.

>   
>  _\- Post-mission deposition from team member Gatt  
>  on mental state of his commander, Hissrad _ (WoT II, p. 241, **emphasis mine** \- SA)

This short note can leave us rather disillusioned with how the Qun functioned in practice for this individual. Actually, Hissrad's case is an example of the Qun contradicting itself on the practical level. It produced an individual who is fundamentally _tragic_ in Aristotelian sense of the word, stained by an irremovable inner conflict: the more he tries to obey and fulfill demands of the Qun, the more frustrated he becomes; the same thing that makes him a perfect Qunari destroys his emotional nature. His virtue results in a catastrophe.

This is what Iron Bull himself reveals about his service in Seheron:

> ( _with the Inquisitor_ )  
>  **IB** : They sent me to Seheron because they needed someone who could fight and hunt down problems. That whole island was a sack of cats. Incursions from Tevinter, Tal-Vashoth, and native rebels fighting both sides... And in the middle, me, trying to wrangle the rebels and restore order.  
>  **Inq** : [Sounds fun to you.] You seem like a type who enjoys a good fight.  
>  **IB** : There's a good fight, and there's finding out who put rat poison in the bread and killed a bunch of children. I hunted down a lot of rebels. Lost a lot of friends to the Vints, or the Fog Warriors, or the Tal-Vashoth. One day I woke up and couldn't think of a damned reason to keep doing my job. Turned myself in to the reeducators.  
>  **Inq** : [That was brave.] Not many people would have the courage to do that.  
>  **IB** : I thought about letting some rebel kill me, but I couldn't get any of those bastards the satisfaction.

> ( _banter with Cole_ )  
>  **Cole** : When we fight, you make them not people. So their death doesn't stick to you.  
>  **IB** : Yes. Picked that up in Seheron. Got to keep it separate. Out here, anything could be a threat. You kill for the team, no questions asked.  
>  **Cole** : I see it: a wall of wounds. Nothing on this side has a family.  
>  **IB** : When we're at the tavern, or back home, it goes back to normal. People get to be people again.  
>  **Cole** : What if someone attacks you in a tavern?  
>  **IB** : That's when shit gets messed up.

The banter with Cole shows clearly how a regression into schizoid splitting (See: M. Klein, "Notes on Some Schizoid Mechanisms", _Envy and Gratitude and Other Works 1946-1963_ , Hogarth Press 1975, pp. 5-24) can serve as a defense mechanism during war: in the fight, there are only persecutive objects; in a tavern, there are only good, friendly objects. "Shit gets messed up" when two split up parts come together and return soldier's mind into depressive position. That's when aggression must be directed at good objects, and when survival requires killing a friend.

I believe we should not take Hissrad's eagerness to turn himself in only as an act of total devotion. As _The World of Thedas_ indicates, after the incident with Tal-Vashoth "[Hissrad] would be dangerous as a police agent, defiant as a soldier, and wasted as a laborer" (WoT II, p. 241). Anyway, irreversibly damaged. Based on the most traumatic part of the story, revealed in _The World of Thedas_ , we can suspect that the main reason why Hissrad turned himself in could have been an authentic deathwish. "Repaired or destroyed as best served the Qun" – Hissrad's companion Gatt had no illusions what the most feasible way to repair Hissrad at this point would be: the use of _qamek_. _The World of Thedas_ provides a pretty self-explanatory description of this device:

> A poison used on the hopeless who refuse to be reeducated, as well as on captured magic users (who are considered already hopeless). It effectively lobotomizes victims and turns them into mindless laborers (WoT I, p. 42).

Hissrad's years in Seheron had been filled with constant frustration, and revealed a dangerous pattern in his behaviour: withholding anger until it bursts out and turns him berserk. Hissrad has even learned to wait for an occasion to turn his rage against enemy objects. In a sense, he became the tool he was intended to be, even as he reached the limit of emotional endurance. Yet, Gatt makes it very clear why Hissrad became so frustrated: he saw too many people around him slaughtered. Some of them were his close friends and companions. He killed some of them in the name of what he thought was right. He was betrayed by his own sensitivity. Here, as I believe, we can see the dimension of Hissrad's personality that might be overlooked easily: he's much more vulnerable than he shows when facing situations of loss and betrayal, with depression and guilt related.

Here comes an important factor which makes Hissrad's potential depressive states less bearable than they would be for a relatively healthy person raised in the Southern manner: the Qun taught him to be _selfless_ , in many possible contexts. As Melanie Klein shows in her work, an individual can only undergo states based on depression and mourning successfully if the ego or self (I'm not entirely sure if she uses these terms interchangeably) is strong enough to perform reparation on its lost objects. A selfless ego gets stuck in the paranoid attitude: it develops an observation skill that is always aimed at potential danger and persecution, and may hence be heavily distorted (See: M. Klein, "A Contribution to the Psychogenesis of Manic-Depressive States", _Love, Guilt and Reparation and Other Works 1921-1945_ , Hogarth Press 1975, p. 271). And this may be a careful reminder about the origin of Iron Bull's responsiveness.

Hissrad is stuck between paranoia and the genuinely depressive inability to retrieve his lost good objects. This is another reason why Hissrad, according to Gatt, has always thought that he _was_ _not good enough_ at obeying the Qun – unresolved mourning deprives the ego of hope. But the enviroment created on Seheron does not allow successful transition from the paranoid-schizoid to the depressive mode of emotional functioning, from enmity and careful observation to trust and identification based on empathy. Neither does it allow a clear, persisting splitting of emotional life that allows survival in the paranoid-schizoid position. Hissrad isn't even in a _healthy_ paranoid-schizoid position where the splitting is necessary to keep the good object intact – he appears in a situation similar with the early development tainted by envious destructivity, as described in _Envy and Gratitude_. Seheron is a place where nothing good can grow despite all the efforts. The corresponding frame of mind, according to Klein's view, comes down to severe confusion in many spheres of life (see: M. Klein, "Envy and Gratitude", _therein_ , pp. 200-201, 221).

It appears as if Hissrad was stuck in between a paranoid regression, necessary for him to be an efficient agent, and melancholic depression, filled with hopelessness and emptiness. He wanted to help, but the only thing he could draw from himself was more frustration and more aggressive force. Ultimately, it turned out that despite his physical strength and combat abilities, Hissrad was not a man made for the reality of war – a strong argument in favour of Dorian's decision to keep Iron Bull away from Tevinter. The fight with Corypheus is fundamentally different than the conflict on Seheron: the enemy is clearly defined, the Inquisition creates a safe refuge and a peculiar environment for acceptance and accommodation. And Tevinter... Tevinter is just a stone's throw away from Seheron, not only geographically.

Moreover, Hissrad's ego appears, to a great extent, absorbed by the superego (and this, once again, might be relevant for the Qunari in general), scattered around object relations that constitute his social role in various aspects: Hissrad as a war companion, Hissrad as a drinking buddy, Hissrad as the spy, or the confidential of civilians. As many faces as various relations. Thus, I shall risk a hypothesis that the influence of Qun made Hissrad keep his internal object development on the paranoid-schizoid level, on the level of part-objects that are easily instrumentalised, splittable and disposable (see: M. Klein, "A Contribution to Psychogenesis...", p. 263; "Notes on Some Schizoid Mechanisms" _,_ p. 34). As the inner condition of ego always mirrors the inner condition of objects, I should infer that Hissrad's ego is also purposefully placed in paranoid-schizoid dissociation: chopped into pieces that serve various social functions, and can be recomposed "as it best serves the Qun".

This could explain why he can, later on, get over the sacrifice of the Chargers, and betray his friends from the Inquisition so easily. The problem is, the more object relations Hissrad lost in Seheron, the more his inside emptied out and fell into melancholy, because he had been made incapable of meaningful narcissistic compensation (whose bright example is Dorian's façade). Hissrad's anger could also be aimed at the gradual disintegration of his own psychological functioning, and the unconscious fear related. There are indicators that Iron Bull has an actual strong fear of _losing himself_ , as much as he is taught to be selfless. Bull's headstone in the little Fade cemetery from _Here Lies the Abyss_ points at "madness" as his greatest fear. Well, he was there. His greatest fear is post-traumatic, it concerns the return of madness, the return of Seheron. Hissrad's experiences left him terrified of emotional and mental confusion which, in his case, led to escalated violence, wherever it was directed. The fear of demons is just an extension of this primal fear because demons are creatures who enter your body and take away your mind, making you uncontrollable. That is one of the reasons why Iron Bull will always need discipline and a clearly ordered value system, and will be reluctant to reject the Qun completely.

There is one more factor to be considered here, also shown within the work of Melanie Klein: anger and hatred are just one side of the coin, and the other side is the strong persecutory anxiety. (See: M. Klein, "Personification in the Play of Children", _Love_..., pp. 203-204). Seheron is the epitome of real life threat and paralyzing paranoid fear. As Klein believed, any threat in external reality, and any fear sufficiently justified with environmental factors, can reinforce the primal _existential_ fear of death. The latter, as she believed, is active practically since birth, as a subjective parallel of the death instinct operating in the body (see: M. Klein, "On the Theory of Anxiety and Guilt" _, Envy.._., pp. 29-30). Hissrad served so eagerly that he pushed himself beyond the limits of psychological endurance. And instead of being simply disposed of, he has been ordered to undergo something of a controlled personality dissociation, to be decomposed and reconstructed, so his remarkable intellectual function could still serve the Ben-Hassrath. He has been ordered to create the Iron Bull. And his superiors could rest assured that he would not take advantage of this new identity entirely and turn away from the Qun, as Hissrad's relations with the Tal-Vashoth is in itself complex and ambiguous – but that will be discussed in the next chapters of this essay.

Frustrated Hissrad was a ticking time bomb wherever his fate would take him. His greatest trauma must have left him with a deep feeling that he was a _dangerous thing_ , and thus he could have become prone to conflict avoidance – as long as the friends are in concern, Iron Bull may prefer manipulative workarounds to open confrontations that would make him actually hurt somebody (the situation with Dorian is more complex, and I'll try to face it later on). As I'd like to elaborate later on, a great part of his life as the Iron Bull will come down to finding ways to avoid and dissolve frustration through various carnal, often playfully aggressive, outlets.

Hissrad may know no difference, but Gatt does. Hissrad cannot even grasp the source of his frustration. He's convinced that doing the right thing will give him the peace of mind, and if something goes wrong, it must be caused by his insufficient effort. Gatt states that Hissrad is simply misguided in that matter, and between the lines of his report he almost openly accuses his superiors of deceit. The elf whom we later encounter during Bull's personal quest probably got so agitated about his commander's situation because, as a liberated convert, he might have noticed a similar kind of exploitation of Hissrad's mind as otherwise occurs to the slaves. Gatt makes a clear statement that _he_ will obey no matter what because he has already made his mind, made the major life choice, and remains determined _even if_ it costs him frustration. Hissrad, on the other hand, would not really be able to choose any set of values other than the Qun. Gatt's obedience to the Qun is deliberate, Hissrad's – conditioned and reactive. Moreover, after ostensibly becoming a Tal-Vashoth, Bull seems to be discreetly guilt-tripped by his superiors through accusations of desertion, and it is Gatt who smuggles this mind trick into the proposition of Inquisition's alliance with the Qunari.

All in all, if Hissrad remains faithful to the Qun, his fate is sealed. In the main _Inquisition_ game, he sacrifices his company of mercenaries and detaches from emotional bonds once more, being almost totally merged with the Qun demands – for a time being. He gradually rejects his Tal-Vashoth image as fake (even though "fake" isn't a good word to describe its validity, as shall I try to elaborate later on). Later, in the _Trespasser_ DLC, he obediently betrays Inquisitor's party when ordered to attack them by Vidasala, delivering a crushing punchline, and must be killed by his former companions, possibly including his love interest (by the way, Dorian appears rather unimpressed by Bull's betrayal in that case, even if they were in a relationship).

These conclusions allow us to view Iron Bull's mercenary life in a different light. By forming the Chargers, he gained a chance to make a huge step in mental recovery, gaining new good objects in relations with whom he could define himself – the Chargers became a new anchor for his identity which, in time, became powerful enough to compete with his Ben-Hassrath role.


	2. Part II: A new identity, the Chargers, and the ambiguity of the Iron Bull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Bull's "motherly" mental functioning which is converted into paranoid versatility, and something about the Chargers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's complete now. I might round out the banter evidence in the future (I have only just figured out how to replace the badly done regional translation to original English strings, and I intend to make screenshots like crazy throughout my next playthrough).

The first decision made by Hissrad after he was converted into a crypto Tal-Vashoth agent concerned the name he would use in the South. (See: WoT II, p. 241). He explains the meaning in a banter with Cole:

> Cole: You got to pick your name, The Iron Bull.  
>  IB: Sure did. Thanks for sticking the "the" on there, too. Most people forget.  
>  Iron Bull: It kinda makes it sound like I'm not really a person. Like I'm this dangerous thing, you know?  
>  Cole: You made it a joke on yourself, making a mockery, so you would never be that.  
>  IB: It kills the joke if you explain it, kid.

The friendly spirit seems to have caught a glimpse on the interplay between Qunari's colliding identity aspects: the necessity to act more like a human person, in the Southern sense of the word, and the Qun-corresponding self-image of an obedient tool. The Tal-Vashoth part of Iron Bull seems to bring out some traits that would not be necessarily desirable from the standpoint of his spy role. By this, I mostly mean the sensitivity that has made him unfit for open war.

**Bull's mom and Bull as a mom: the inner Tama and the capacity to understand**

Let us take a look at the side of the Iron Bull which most likely betrayed Hissrad in Seheron and made him draw the last straw. Banter with companions, especially with Cole, reveals a fair deal of nurturing feelings whom Bull is not as eager to reveal:

> Cole: The Iron Bull, in one fight, you let someone hit you so they wouldn't hit me.  
>  IB: Yes?  
>  Cole: But you hate demons.  
>  IB: Listen, Cole. You might be a weird, squirrelly kid, but you're my weird, squirrelly kid.
> 
> IB: [...] I just thought, since you do that thing where you see into people's heads...  
>  IB: Actually, you're good, kid. Keep it up. [...]

Iron Bull approves of Cole's behaviour, and develops a somewhat parental attitude toward the spirit. I believe that this face of Iron Bull, whom he shows quite reluctantly, probably has much in common with his emotional responsiveness – the same that allows him to discern between what people openly want and what they unconsciously need.

I have already mentioned in the meta on Dorian that Bull's interpersonal strategy involves a mental function similar to some kinds of Kleinian projective identification, or Wilfred Bion's containter-contained element of the unconscious. The example of projective identification that occurs between the mother and the infant, presented by Wilfred Bion, seems to coincide with Bull's interpersonal strategy. As we can read in Bion's _Learning from Experience_ ,

> As the analyst treating an adult patient I can be conscious of something of which the patient is not conscious. Similarly the mother can discern a state of mind in her infant before the infant can be conscious of it, as, for example, when the baby shows signs of needing food before it is properly aware of it. In this imaginary situation the need for the breast is a feeling and that feeling itself is a bad breast; the infant does not feel it wants a good breast but it does feel it wants to evacuate a bad one. (W. Bion, _Learning from Experience_ , Karnac 1984, p. 34).

Let us use this description in analogy with Iron Bull's explanation:

> IB: [...] Ben Hassrath training, remember? Grew up learning to manipulate people. When it's a hostile target, you give them what they want. But when it's someone you care about, you give them what they need.

Even though Iron Bull usually hands the responsibility for his manipulative abilities over to the Ben-Hassrath training, such training would not be able to create an individual predisposition to read unconscious signals. It could only teach Bull to use his natural capabilities in a calculating, manipulative way. I believe that the analogy with Bion's explanation may shed some light on why Iron Bull operates on a somewhat cryptic discord between perceived wishes and perceived needs of others. Though some people explain this strategy through the self-transcending aspect in D/s sexual practices of Iron Bull, I believe it should not be limited to that dimension. The mental operations present in this attitude are pretty much universal and tell us much about Bull's personal mode of building interpersonal relations.

Bion is ready to treat the good and the bad breast, given in the example, as experiences of certain emotions (See: W. Bion, therein, p. 35). In as much as the breast in Kleinian psychoanalytic discourse serves as the earliest mental representative of anything good or anything bad, an interesting dependency is shown: underneath a wish (consciously felt) to dismiss something bad there's always a deep, not necessarily conscious, need to obtain something good to be put in its place. In parallel, a conscious wish to obtain something good should imply a deeper need to remove or neutralise bad objects that stand in the way. The caring mode of Bull's interpersonal action involves the bigger unconscious picture that has created a conscious wish, the picture that may ultimately validate or invalidate the wish expressed. The paranoid, hostile mode makes him leave the potential bad objects intact, to be used against the target if necessary – giving the target what they wish is more like a warning, as in a common proverb. Hence, Bull may feel entitled to bend others to his "mental reading" whenever he thinks they should change something about themselves to get what they need. There is one problem with this attitude: it works only in a paranoid-schizoid framework where the hostile and the friendly can be distinguished with relative clarity. Quick calculation should usually help him determine who is an ally and who isn't. But what should Iron Bull give to a person who evokes ambiguous feelings and remains questionable in spite of careful observation?

With this question left open for later, I would like to elaborate a little more about Bull's natural emotional responsiveness. As Bion claims, the mother-infant situation reveals a specific kind of mental attitude in the mother: _reverie_ , as he calls it, defined as

> [...] that state of mind which is open to the reception of any “objects” from the loved object and is therefore capable of reception of the infant's projective identifications whether they are felt by the infant to be good or bad" (W. Bion, therein, p. 36).

Thought Qunari children are said to be raised collectively, Iron Bull speaks warmly of a Tama who is most likely one person. It is really hard to say whether infant's mind could synthesise a fairly coherent mother-object from many caretakers, but the inner good object must be one if infant's future ego is supposed to advance beyond the level of disintegration comparable with schizophrenia (see: M. Klein, "Notes on Some Schizoid Mechanisms", _Envy_..., p. 4-9). Hence, I should assume that Iron Bull had one Tamassran particularly dear to him:

> Cole: [...] Lying awake, sheets soaked in sweat, afraid to call the tamassrans. Shadows make shapes in the dark. Cole: If it gets in my head, how do I cut it out? Itching, shaking, tears slide cold down my cheeks. "Tama, I'm scared." [...]
> 
> ( _If the Inquisitor sided with the Chargers during "Demands of the Qun"_ )  
>  Cole: "Tama, how will I follow the Qun?" Her hands, strong but gentle, rubs the stubs where the horns will be.  
>  Cole: "You are strong, and your mind is sharp. You will solve problems others cannot." She smiles, but sadly.  
>  IB: Looks like my old Tamassran was wrong. Bet she's pissed one of her kids went Tal-Vashoth.  
>  Cole: Agents with hushed tones. Eyes stinging. Forms to fill out, course corrections. Reduce risk of similar losses.  
>  Cole: I remember the little boy, too wise, eager to help. Words break in small, secret spaces. He got away. He got away.  
>  IB: How could you know that? You've never even met her.  
>  Cole: Your hurt touches hers.  
>  IB: Well, that's, uh, creepy, but... Thanks.

The kind of sensitivity embedded in mother's "reverie" comes from the first intimate nurturing object of infant's attachment, not necessarily the biological mother. Nonetheless, Bull's potential to become a Ben-Hassrath is probably a product of attachment to his Qunari "mom" and identification with her. While the intellectual training in Ben-Hassrath has transformed Bull's capacity for motherly "reverie" into paranoid mentality, it left behind the emotional and affective aspect of this attitude, reflected in Bull's sensitivity to the wrong done to the innocent. It is not a coincidence that he broke down seeing harm done to Seheron children.

Naturally, Iron Bull's mother-object remains within his superego function, making him a somewhat natural nurturer and protector. This is how Cole comments on Bull's fighting style:

> IB: [...] Just as soon stand there and let 'em come to me when they're ready to die.  
>  Cole: Then it's them, not you. You don't want to kill. You want to defend.  
>  IB: Hey, don't go around saying crap like that. I like killing.  
>  Cole: But you give them a chance. You make them choose. So it's their fault. [...]

_The World of Thedas_ reveals that young Ashkaari prefered a role that might be considered stereotypically feminine: more passive, withdrawn, acting from the background. Among his peers, he appeared an auxiliary peacemaker:

> Young Ashkaari was big for his age and could easily have become a bully, but his keen eye led him instead to serve as a sort of secondary caregiver. When one of the other children wasn't feeling well or was going to cause trouble, it was Ashkaari who told his "Tama" what was happening. (WoT II, p. 239)

A secondary caregiver and a snitch. The anecdote about stolen meat tells us much about how young Bull learned to communicate his needs and deal with his problems. Long story short, he did not communicate his needs explicitly. He used a manipulative roundabout even to avoid eating his veggies. Much as the Qun teaches obedience, it should treat its children rather softly so they had nothing to rebel against. Defiance in youngsters should be tolerable to some extent - the ways of the Qun depend on internalization of the ideology, not on brusque force. Still, little Ashkaari got what he wanted. In my opinion, the expression "ability to lie" isn't precise enough to describe this attitude. It's not about lying as Varric would, making stories up under pressure. It's more about creating appearances to get whatever Ashkaari wanted:

> On one occasion, he ate all of the meat on his plate, leaving the vegetables largely untouched. Ashkarii's Tama told him that he would not be allowed to go and play until he ate two more things off his plate. Without hesitation, Ashkaari took two pieces of meat he had hidden in his pocket, placed them upon the plate, looked at Tama, and then ate the two pieces before running off to play (WoT II, p. 239).

The very same mental function that correlates with his inner need to nurture, also provides Bull with dangerous emotional versatility:

> Cole: Vasaad was angry. He went first because he wanted to fight. Taking point, then points take him, red on his neck.  
>  IB: I was just thinking about – Wait, you in my mind again, kid?  
>  Cole: Even if you went in first, there would have been another fight, another time he didn't listen. It wasn't your fault.  
>  IB: Yes, it was. I was in charge. Should've found a way to – Hey, that's pretty good. We could use that!  
>  Cole: You can use sadness?  
>  IB: Ben-Hassrath, Kid. We can use anything.
> 
> Cole: Barman laughs, slides the drink over. Tankard in view the whole time, no chance poison was added.  
>  Cole: Blade at his waist, club under the bar. Moves with training, mercenary or guard. Use that if I have to.  
>  IB: Yeah, I go for the shoulder, a shot he trained to take on the armor.  
>  IB: But since he's a barman now and not a merc, he bleeds, flinches, and I trap the arm and break his neck.  
>  Cole: Why, The Iron Bull?  
>  IB: I didn't do it, kid. It was just idle thought, in case it came up.  
>  Cole: Do you think about how to kill everyone you meet?  
>  IB: Do you not?
> 
> Solas: You fought the Tal-Vashoth for a long time, Iron Bull, did you not?  
>  IB: Every day. I’d kill some of them, they’d kill some of my guys and then I’d kill them some more.  
>  Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive, those you fight must become monsters.  
>  IB: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don’t know.  
>  Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

Much as the Iron Bull might appear lovable at times, these confessions should serve as a kind reminder that he operates with his feelings in an instrumentalising manner, and faces little difficulties in separating his mind from emotion. As long as he is a Ben-Hassrath, his role forces him to act like a moderately schizoid Machiavellian. "If it gets in my head, how do I cut it out?" - cutting out is one of Kleinian metaphors for splitting done under pressure of the aggressive drive, and Bull's answer to unwelcome feelings will be dismissal through projection.

It may appear as if the nurturing, motherly side of the Iron Bull was partly put to denial and mocked out by the hypermasculine aspect of his self. As I believe, this is the space where we could try to fit Bull's alleged sexism and misogyny (that would be partly derived from the purely social, yet stereotypical approach to gender identity encountered in the Qun – if you remember Sten's confusion about the female Warden) which might be seen in some statements:

> (Cassandra hits Iron Bull with a stick)  
>  IB: Come on! This is why the Qun doesn't like women fighting! I should have asked Cullen!  
>  (Cassandra knocks him down with a stick)
> 
> Cassandra: I am surprised you accept fighting at a woman’s side, Bull.  
>  Cassandra: I understood Qunari women did not fight.  
>  IB: If a Qunari woman really wants to fight, and has a gift for it, she becomes an aqun-athlok.  
>  IB: The aqun-athlok joins the warriors and is treated like a male. He becomes a guy, for all intents and purposes.  
>  Cassandra: But she wouldn’t physically become male, surely?  
>  IB: Doesn’t matter. In the Qun, your role is everything.  
>  Cassandra: And...do you think of me as male, then?  
>  IB: Depends. In or out of your armor?
> 
> IB: Better hike up your skirt, mage boy.  
>  Dorian: I’m not wearing a skirt.  
>  IB: You trip on that bustling whatever, don’t come crying to me.

No matter if he denies it, Iron Bull remains quite soft and vulnerable, and needs a way to vent these tendencies. To a great extent, he actualises himself as a nurturing, supportive figure when he creates the Chargers. According to _The World of Thedas_ , Iron Bull started his own mercenary group after he undermined the competence of his first commander and took the volunteers along with him - "[...] a severe breach of professional etiquette". He expanded his group along Nevarra and Orlais, collecting outcasts from these societies (WoT II, p. 242). As Bull explains in the game, he had little choice in assortment as a Tal-Vashoth. But he may as well have a deep personal need to nurture outcasts, people who have been forsaken and who might, in addition, make Bull's own posing as a Tal-Vashoth easier to accept. I shall suggest that we treat the Chargers as Bull's symbolic children, just as Cole becomes "his kid" as they get along. This way, Iron Bull gets a chance to vent his need to nurture others through the role of commander, without appearing too soft. Bull's friendship with Krem seems to rely on caring attention even though they tend to exchange very harsh comebacks:

> Cole: You and Krem say words that hurt, but they aren't real, The Iron Bull.  
>  IB: Yes. We give each other grief. It's a soldier thing. Doesn't mean anything.  
>  Cole: It means friendship. And that you're soldiers. Krem likes it, it makes him proud.  
>  IB: I guess I can see that. Him, huh?  
>  Cole: Is that wrong?  
>  IB: No, no. I just thought, since you do that thing where you see into people's heads...  
>  IB: Actually, you're good, kid. Keep it up.  
>  Cole: The armor is right. The body isn't, but it doesn't hurt him anymore.  
>  Cole: You make it better.

Not to mention that Iron Bull sacrificed his eye to protect Krem and turned him into his second-in-command. Iron Bull has an interesting way of dealing with Krem's origin:

> ( _dialogue in Skyhold, after you have drunk with the Chargers_ )  
>  Inq: [But you hate Tevinter.] You don't have a problem with him being from Tevinter?  
>  IB: Nah.  
>  Inq: But you hate the Vints.  
>  IB: Sure. But he's not a Vint. He's just Krem. I can get worked up about a group or a nation just fine, but people... it's too much work to hate them one by one.

A paranoid splitting works fine on abstract ideas, but it does not work very well on individuals. It isn't just a matter of "too much work". Iron Bull knows the pain of emotional ambiguity evoked by Kleinian whole objects – mature, realistic imagoes of people, with own inner world, feelings and desires ascribed to them (See: M. Klein, "A Contribution...", _Love..._ , p. 285-286). A perfectly ordered world of a paranoid finds a proper category and a proper explanation for everything. Too much mental order in one's worldview might be derogatory for individual's capacity for compassion and emotional understanding; in fact, it might be a sign that such capacity has been split off, and the mental part overcompensated instead. I think that observing diversity of the Chargers allows Iron Bull to absorb the principle of interpersonal relations, of treating people like _people_ instead of representatives of fixed categories.

The way Iron Bull speaks about the Chargers is, all in all, quite affectionate: "Crazy bunch of assholes, but they're mine". This sentence might bear several emotional messages combined: possessiveness, nurturing affection, and pride. The Chargers are the main reason why Iron Bull can finally be proud of himself instead of wondering what he is doing wrong. He created something of his own. Now he uses selected elements of the Qun in order to create a friendly atmosphere: he gives his companions nicknames, he accepts Krem as an _aqun-athlok_.

The alternative cutscene where Iron Bull receives a farewell attack from the Qunari assassins reveals that he tries to make the Tal-Vashoth identity his official one just as quickly as he would reject it otherwise, though it does not come easily:

> IB: [...] Tal-Va- _fucking_ -shoth.  
>  Inq [flirting option]: You acted like a Tal-Vashoth for years. That didn't change you. Neither does this.  
>  IB: This was just a role. This is my life, as one of those...  
>  ( _or_ )  
>  [special option for the Qunari Inquisitor]  
>  Inq: You don't need to say "Tal-Vashoth" like it's an insult.  
>  IB: This isn't about you, Boss.  
>  Inq: But I'm Tal-Vashoth too, just like you.  
>  IB: No, you're not. Not really. You grew up with a family. You never knew anything different.

> ( _regardless of choice_ )  
>  I killed hundreds of Tal-Vashoth in Seheron. Bandits, murderers, bastards who turned their back on the Qun. And now I'm one of them.  
>  Inq [flirting option]: Bullshit. You're a good man.  
>  IB: Without a Qun to live by...  
>  Inq: Hey! You're a good man. If the Ben-Hassrath don't see that, it's their loss.  
>  IB: Thanks, Boss. Anyway, I'll get this cleaned up and let Red know what happened. [sighs] Boss? Whatever I miss, whatever I regret... this is where I want to be. Whenever you need an ass kicked, the Iron Bull is with you.

It is interesting that the Qunari tries to cut off from the Qun just as he would cut off from the Iron Bull identity otherwise. He thinks he has no Qun to live by; as if the external change in social status eliminated all his connections with the ideology itself. At this point Iron Bull appears unaware that he mostly holds the Qun within, and how he could work with his internalised ideal to create a new identity. As I have mentioned, the atmosphere among the Chargers proves that Bull _is_ able to combine discipline peculiar to the Qun with his sensitivity and the playful group spirit; he _is_ able to invent his own, eclectic point of view that is rooted in the Qun. Yet, this playful work appears limited to his interaction with the Chargers and to his own entertainment. He still has much to learn when it comes to more serious personal expression.

D. W. Winnicott introduced an interesting distinction which may help us understand how, despite being purportedly created as a faux identity, Iron Bull is a completely legitimate and _real_ part of Hissrad. Winnicott distinguished notions of "true self" and "false self"; the use of terms "true" and "false" might be quite misguiding in this case, and isn't necessarily epistemological. One of justifications of this particular choice of terms provided by Winnicott is that the discovery of the "true self" helped his patients feel more real and more authentic with their lives, while the overgrowth of the "false self" usually left their lives empty and dissatisfying (See: D. W. Winnicott, "Ego Distortion in Terms of True and False Self", _The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment_ , Hogarth Press 1965, p. 140-150).

Briefly speaking, "true self" is supposed to originate in what was described as _id_ in Freudian topology of the unconscious – bodily functions and primal drive components. As Winnicott adds: "true self" is mostly exercised through spontaneous creative activity which occurs if the infant is given enough feeling of omnipotence in its early days to play fearlessly. "False self", on the other hand, is created as a defense from the exploitation and annihilation of the true self. On the healthy level of functioning, false self acts as a protector and seeks compromise with the world that is necessary for the true self to grow. On more pathological levels, the false self overwhelms the true self, making the individual too compliant and dependent.

As Winnicott claims, a strong splitting between the true and false self stifles individual's capacity in spontaneous creative endeavour and cultural life. His description of such a splitting seems to bear resemblance to paranoid or borderline modes of behaviour:

> Instead of cultural pursuits one observes in such persons extreme restlessness, an inability to concentrate, and a need to collect impingements from external reality so that the living-time of the individual can be filled by reactions to these impingements. (D. W. Winnicott, therein, p. 150)

In other words, a splitting between the true and false self creates a reactive life fixated on external expectations, while getting them closer together should allow the individual to discover the kind of intrinsic spontaneity that reflects inner peace. It appears that a great part of Bull's "true self" is the sensitive, motherly part which has been betrayed and needs to be hidden from the world. Hence, he will pose as a tool, a thing, and he will bolster these mental functions that allow him to distance himself from caring sensitivity. But there is also another part of the "true self" whose claims are more pressing. It is worth a notice that the Iron Bull cover provides Hissrad a legitimate pretext to give free rein to his bodily drives in the ways _he_ deems appropriate:

> As for the Iron Bull himself, he now enjoys food, drink, and all of life's earthly pleasures more than he had expected. Telling himself it is for his role as a Tal-Vashoth, he has let most of his self-imposed restrictions slip. (WoT II, p. 242)

It is one way to explore the preferences that would be considered irrelevant in Hissrad's reactive life: red haired girls, fighting dragons, Orlesian cuisine, or strong alcohol. Not that they haven't been there so far; more likely, only now they can _matter_ as components of a personal identity. If Thedas knew the hedonism of Epicurus's school, with its recommended balance between pleasure and discipline, Iron Bull would probably sign in. As it is noted, Bull pays a price for the development of his Winnicottian true self: the loosening of self-discipline. I believe that this cannot remain without consequences for his capacity to keep hold of his inner life - when relaxed and playful, he may sometimes say more than he means, or reveal the softer part of his self; yet, his paranoid set of mind is still perfectly functional when needed.

The Chargers might as well serve as Iron Bull's half-private playground. According to _The World of Thedas_ , they "[...] quickly gained a reputation for taking bizarre or seemingly impossible jobs and carrying them out with ingenuity and grit" (WoT II, p. 242), and Bull's tales only confirm it. The Chargers live by the spirit of play and creativity. From the perspective drawn by Klein and extended by D. W. Winnicott, play and creative endeavour are the main spheres of self-healing and development without external pressure – a place where Iron Bull would be able to learn to control himself while he is less dependent on the Qun. The Chargers are the main environment where Iron Bull can integrate his own sense of selfhood. In other Winnicott's terms, The Chargers are Bull's special transitional sphere – a possession that is neither a material thing nor a part of one's body, but a cultural phenomenon, mediating between one's internal reality and the external world (See: D. W. Winnicott, "Transitional Objects and Transitional Phenomena – A Study of the First Not-Me Possession", _International Journal of Psychoanalysis_ , vol. 34, 1953, pp. 89-97).

Thus, the bond between Iron Bull and his group is unique, and the ease in his dealings with Chargers' death (if he stays faithful to the Qun in the private mission) is a sign of a severe schizoid defense, and practically erases the accomplishments of Bull's emotional integration.

The cutscene which shows Bull dealing with Ben-Hassrath assassins, as practically everything regarding Bull's emotional expression, seems more harmless on the surface than it probably is in reality. It should not be forgotten that Hissrad learned deep fear and hatred of Tal-Vashoth traitors and rebels. To be reconciled with himself, Bull must now resist a severe attack from his Qun-superego and his false self, to maintain the judgment that he is not one of the evil kind. He is much more sincere about his feelings with Blackwall and Dorian (after their personal quests) than with the Inquisitor:

> Blackwall: So, Bull, how does it feel to be Tal-Vashoth?  
>  IB: Feels a bit like I've been living a lie, and now it's coming back to bite me in the ass. What's that like, Blackwall?  
>  Blackwall: Calm down, I meant no offense.  
>  Blackwall: As you say, I know something of being cut off from a past life, having to find a new way.  
>  IB: Well, you could've just led with that.  
>  Blackwall: In any event, you have the Chargers. You haven't lost everything.  
>  IB: Yeah, I think I'm good.

> IB: You doing all right, Dorian? I know family stuff can be rough.  
>  Dorian: What would you know about it? True Qunari don’t have families.  
>  IB: Finding out you don’t fit in with the people who raised you?  
>  IB: Having to walk away from everything you grew up with, knowing you’ve disappointed the ones who loved you?  
>  IB: I might know a bit. Takes a tough man to do it, too. So good on you, you big old fop.  
>  Dorian: Yay. Good on me.

> Cassandra: You are considered Tal-Vashoth now, Bull?  
>  IB: Looks that way.  
>  Cassandra: I admit I don’t fully understand what that means... but I am sorry.  
>  IB: The Seekers gave you rules to live by, right? The Qunari have the same... and now I don’t.  
>  Cassandra: I see.  
>  IB: S’all right. I’ve got my Chargers, and I’ve got the Inquisition. I’m good.

As an outcast, Iron Bull gets an opportunity to anchor his identity deeper within his mercenary group and his first multi-layered intimate relationship. Yet, the change is significant: from a life according to the given set of rules, to a life that only provides hints and perspectives. Iron Bull outside the Qun must also undergo a profound intellectual shift. The Chargers and the Inquisition seem to provide a relatively healthy environment for such a shift, as they have something profound in common: they collect individuals from various places of origin, with diverse backgrounds. Still, one specific situation seems to show Bull stuck in his old ways to a fair extent: the peculiar mental work he does with the motif of war with Tevinter.


	3. Part III: "The inseparable nature of love and aggression" - To ride the Bull is not enough to tame him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you prefer to hold an idealistic view of Iron Bull of the sweetest entity in Thedas, stay away from this meta. Because neither the term "paranoia" nor "anal-sadistic fixation" are any close to this.
> 
> Taking the first closer look at Bull's sexual habits before the final blow, an interpretation of Bioware's pre-written romance between Bull and Dorian Pavus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An additional warning for everything concerning "Bull being Bull" is valid from now on.

While Iron Bull's canonically considered pansexual, his own statements allow to provide this description with detail, specifically concerning his preference leaning towards red-haired women, perhaps of the commoner origin (though, to be brutally honest, these seem to be most attracted to Bull himself). It appears that before entering any relationship within the Inquisition, he enjoyed fulfilling common girls' sexual fantasies in the framework of casual meetings:

> ( _on the first meeting, "What can you tell us_?")  
>  IB: [about Leliana] I did a little research. Plus, I've always had a weakness for redheads.
> 
> ( _in Haven, when asked about the Qunari mating customs_ )  
>  IB: Still, it's more fun here. Fewer rituals, more making it up as you go along. Plus, you folk have redheads. [sighs] _Redheads_.
> 
> ( _background dialogue in Haven, right outside the Chantry_ )  
>  Woman 1: I hope for your sake you weren't sniffing around after that Iron Bull.  
>  Woman 2: I simply wanted to thank him for having his healer give such good advice. We've saved some lives thanks to him.  
>  Woman 1: And that's why you're walking so funny?  
>  Woman 2: I thanked him a few times. Then later he thanked me back. It was a very grateful night all around.
> 
> ( _in Skyhold, when discussing private affairs and asked "Who else needed [sex_ ]?")  
>  IB: The serving girls spend most of their day following orders and feeling unimportant. They need someone who makes them feel special, lets 'em cut loose with no repercussions. I let 'em bounce on top and tell 'em their tits look nice. Everybody wins. I mean, I used to. Long as we're doing this, you've got my complete attention.
> 
> ( _in Halamshiral_ )  
>  IB: [...] Also, Orlais has some fine-looking redheads. I go more for the servants, personally. Less makeup.

Among the companions, he tries his luck with Cassandra and Dorian, also paying quite peculiar attention to Vivienne. The choice of two ladies does not seem accidental, as each of them reminds him of the Tamassran to some extent. Most of banter exchange between Bull and Cassandra involves the praise of her combat abilities aside with her appearance, and there's a suggestion that Bull keeps phantasising about Cassandra even after rejection, even if he's in a committed relationship with the Inquisitor.

> ( _to Cassandra_ )  
>  IB: Put some horns on you, you make a pretty good Qunari.
> 
> Cassandra: I enjoy fighting at your side, Bull.  
>  IB: Same here, Seeker.  
>  Cassandra: But I will also enjoy returning to the base and sinking slowly into a steaming hot bath sprinkled with rose petals.  
>  IB: Oh, now you're just being mean. IB: I mean, roses? Who has sex smelling like roses? Violets or a nice frangipani, maybe...  
>  Cassandra: [laughs]
> 
> Cassandra: I am surprised you accept fighting at a woman’s side, Bull.  
>  Cassandra: I understood Qunari women did not fight.  
>  IB: If a Qunari woman really wants to fight, and has a gift for it, she becomes an aqun-athlok [...].  
>  Cassandra: And...do you think of me as male, then?  
>  IB: Depends. In or out of your armor?
> 
> IB: [...] You need any help with that frustration back in camp, let me know.  
>  Cassandra: It's never going to happen.  
>  IB: Apologies for giving offense. I will stop making invitations, Seeker.  
>  Cassandra: I was not offended, nor did I say you should stop... so long as we're both clear it's never happening.  
>  IB: Works for me.
> 
> IB: That was some solid work back there, Seeker.  
>  Cassandra: You, as well.  
>  IB: The way you backhanded that guy with your shield and then damn near chopped him in half?  
>  ( _If the Inquisitor is in a relationship with Iron Bull_ )  
>  IB: Any chance I could have the boss borrow your armor later? For, uh, personal reasons.  
>  Cassandra: No.  
>  IB: I'd clean it after.  
>  Cassandra: Absolutely not.

Cassandra makes it clear, in an assertive and relaxed manner, that she isn't interested. Still, her humorous responses to Bull's flirting quickly grant her friendly status. Vivienne, on the other hand, is spared any innuendos. She quickly takes the wind out of Bull's sails after his naughty questions about sexual customs in the Circle of Magi. All in all, she displays her usual patronizing hauteur, especially when she scolds and trains the Qunari like a child:

> IB: You know, Viv, you're not bad with that staff.  
>  Vivienne: You will address me as Enchanter Vivienne, Court Mage to the Empire of Orlais, or Madame de Fer. Not "Viv".  
>  IB: Oh. Right, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am.  
>  Vivienne: Hmm. Yes, "ma'am" works as well.
> 
> IB: Are you sure you're not, maybe, just a little bit tamassran, ma'am?  
>  Vivienne: My dear, I don't believe there is such a thing as "a little bit tamassran."  
>  IB: All right, point taken. But you're pretty tall for a human. Maybe there was a Qunari in there a few generations back?  
>  Vivienne: Bull, darling, I wear high heels and tall hats. Fashion is not, so far as I know, a demand of the Qun.
> 
> Vivienne: Now, Bull, the steps of the Dance of Six Candles?  
>  IB: Waaaaait a minute. I know what this is. You're screwing with me because you look like a tamassran!  
>  IB: It's the whole authoritative-female thing, plus that hat with the horns. You've been playing me!  
>  IB: Well, I was trained by the Ben-Hassrath! You think I don't know how to handle manipulation?  
>  Vivienne: Bull...step, step, turn...?  
>  IB: (sighs) Step, shuffle, spin, ma'am.
> 
> Vivienne: Iron Bull, stop picking at that scab or it won't heal properly.  
>  IB: I know! But the scar will look amazing! See? It already sort of looks a wyvern's--  
>  IB: (sigh) I'll just put the bandage back on now. Sorry, ma'am.  
>  Vivienne: Thank you, darling.
> 
> Vivienne: My dear Iron Bull, stand up straight. You're slouching like a sulking child.  
>  IB: I keep smacking my horns going through doors.  
>  Vivienne: Darling, you are in no danger from a door beam. Just watch where you're going.  
>  IB: Uh... I may have done it a couple times on purpose, to see if i could knock the frame loose...

It doesn't come as a surprise that Iron Bull doesn't even try direct flirting with Vivienne. It is, however, worth a notice how a bit of psychological domination from a female (at least following the example of Inquisitor's companions) can put Iron Bull in his place at once. This tendency may be a remnant of his Qunari upbringing, practically controlled by the tamassrans. It's not entirely pointless to suggest that, just as Dorian holds an unfortunate, all-encompassing, father-like inner object of love interest (as I have suggested in the reconstruction of his oedipal vicissitudes), Iron Bull might have a more fortunate all-encompassing object based on the role of the tamassran. After all, Bull's memory of his caretakers doesn't leave any evidence of toxicity or bad blood.

Dorian Pavus, however, doesn't seem to resemble a tamassran very much. What precisely causes the situation with the Tevinter mage appear so different? What encouraged him to initiate this flirt in the first place, apart from profane physical attraction? Before I return to the controversial pairing once more, I'd like to show how Bull deals with his romance with the Inquisitor, to look through any potential flattery and cast some light on what Bull might want and/or need behind all the apparent agreeableness.

It might be alarming that there is no possibility to negotiate the roles when Bull explains their future sexual practices to the Inquisitor. In the cutscene where he explains the want-need strategy there's no specific reaction to the hero refusing to play the submissive role. If you mention it later in the tavern, Bull's assumption is explained as follows:

> ( _discussing private affairs_ )  
>  Inq: You told me this is what I needed. What do you mean by that?  
>  IB: You're the Inquisitor. You didn't ask for the job, but you've taken on the responsibility. You've got thousands of lives riding on your decisions. You bear that weight all day. You need a place where you can be safe, knowing someone else is in charge for a bit.  
>  Inq [disagree]: That's not what I need at all.  
>  IB: Well, you are the boss. If it doesn't work for you, though, I understand. No hard feelings.  
>  Inq [ _special option_ ]: What about what you need?  
>  IB: Hey, I'm good. I am better than good. You, uh, don't trouble yourself on that front. Ol' Iron Bull is just fine.

As Gatt once pointed out in a different context, whenever Bull isn't fine he probably won't admit it, but instead he will accumulate frustration until he will need to burst. If we look at Bull's strategy in dealing with frustration in general, it's more like evading and discharging the load in the short term than trying to modify, understand and mitigate it for good. Bull makes his preferences in this matter quite clear in Halamshiral:

> IB: You got anything that needs killing? Because the nobles keep messing with me, and they think I don't know they're doing it. This keeps up, I'm going to wear somebody's skull as _my_ fancy little mask.

A typical paranoid-schizoid deflection: Bull's aggression doesn't call him to think about himself, it's some kind of "them". Seheron taught him to discard responsibility for aggressive feelings to the enemy. The distinction between evasion and modification of frustration has been introduced by Wilfred Bion in the context of quite sophisticated reflections on therapist's ability to know his patient, also touching the psychological dynamics of truth and lie (see: W. Bion, _Learning from Experience_ , _op. cit_ , pp. 48-49). As Bion holds, the experience of getting to (truly) know somebody implies painful disappointment which can be handled in two modes: through evasion and discharge, resulting in a "misrepresentation" of emotional experience, or through toleration and modification of pain, leading to a presentation that corresponds with emotional reality. In as much as frustration always implies a portion of potential awareness of the self and the other, and awareness is always supposed to be frustrating, discharge of the frustration occurs through a lie which dismisses the deeper question about individual's state of mind. _Learning from Experience_ reads:

> Such a manoeuvre [evasion – S.A.] is intended not to affirm but to deny reality, not to represent an emotional experience but to misrepresent it to make it appear to be a fulfilment rather than a striving for fulfilment. The difference between the aim of the lie and the aim of truth can thus be expressed as a change of sense in x K y [the basic mental link "x gets to know y" – S.A.] and to relate to intolerance of the pain associated with feelings of frustration. (W. Bion, _Learning from Experience_ , p. 49)

The interesting part mentioned here is the factor of false sense of fulfillment which might present itself as outright self-lie, delusion or hallucination. In this context, Bull's means of dealing with frustration seem to keep him away from self-awareness, also regarding what he could really offer to the others in personal affairs. It appears as if Bull was bound _not_ to know what he needs deep inside; not only producing lies but living a lie most of the time. A curious thing considering how he claims to know other people, because, in the end, the ability to truly know others should be connected with "meaningful insight" into one's own emotional life (and, of course, the internal object world). Quite likely, Bull's self-awareness is also instrumental, creating efficient resistance to profound changes in his personality. Anyway, Iron Bull's case in general is one more example that the notion of truth in anthropology is highly problematic.

I've had a hunch (though, it's mostly an intuition for now) that Bull's "giving people what they need" involves intense _proactive_ creation of his object of interest, only partly depending on receptive reading. This is why Inquisitor's question about what Bull needs eventually rebounds: Bull is excessively aware of the exterior reality but may be quite vague on the inside. If Bull tried to ask himself consciously what he really wants, also in the relationship, he might encounter a void. Thus, any attempt at love affair with him is far more problematic than it might appear at face value. Brusque as it may seem, in the end it might be very difficult to _feel loved_ by such an individual if one actually seeks the kind of committment that would convince them to hunt a high dragon for their sweetheart; especially in a medievalish world without professional therapists.

The inability to negotiate with Bull in love affairs might prove that he only accepts love objects which have been _processed_ by him mentally, and that he's very far from unconditional loving. Not that he is completely incapable of it; he certainly is to some extent, but his experience makes him quite severely ill despite the relaxed, agreeable façade. Apart from the aspect of systematic order, as stated explicitly by the Bull, sex with the Inquisitor may mean to him as much as another way to discharge anger, with an object placed in a very specific role, in a processed environment. The approach to sexual life as stated by Bull is still quite orthodoxically Qunari: self-esteem for the serving girls (and Dorian, even if secondarily), stress relief for the Inquisitor – it's always a kind of service with little sentiment related. We get virtually no hints how the notions of sex and friendship can come together in Bull's mind when he declares the Inquisitor his _kadan_. The attempts at breakup that might be triggered by the Inquisitor are all the same, no matter when they occur – save only Bull's bafflement when he is told off at the very first suggestion of sex. If the Inquisitor distance themselves from intimacy with Bull in front of his advisors during _the_ infamous cutscene, he'll immediately ask Josephine out. Becoming Bull's _kadan_ seems detached from the sexual activity, as it does not modify his approach to a breakup. Quite likely, the first serious relationship that might be hoped to change something in Bull's understanding of interpersonal relations will grant him nothing. Bull seems to only enter the agreements where he's the one in control; and "control" in this context means dictating an entire thought system between him and his partner – which may be noticed by the Inquisitor in dialogue. Bull doesn't actually convert people to the Qun, but in that particular case he seems to strive for something quite similar in its nature.

I have already mentioned that Bull's contact with whatever may be considered his Winnicottian "true self" remains very limited and rather unconscious, mostly in the playground known as the Chargers. Now I can speculate a bit to round this picture out: Iron Bull's Winnicottian "true self" may be like a bundle of wishes, not the most coherent voice in his personal story: a sigh after a redhead, dragon hunting ectasy, acting as a mother hen to Krem etc. It could keep on evolving with a partner who would elevate the softer, playfully excitable side of the Iron Bull and supply it with love while slowly withdrawing the other part from Bull's identity narrative – and this would be very hard to attain. There might lie another dimension of Bull's sadomasochistic tendencies: as a sublimation of Bull's defensive (and self-defensive) rage, another attempt to protect the self aspect which was brought to agony in Seheron; a mechanism aiming to thwart the "purification" of Bull's self from paranoid aggressive aims, eventually limiting his expression of the purer, caring image of intimate love (except maybe for periods of aftercare in BDSM rituals) – as a self who loves this way is the most vulnerable. By entering a relationship on Bull's terms, the other party unwittingly gives approval to his fixation; and they cannot do otherwise because they don't know him.

Still, the preferable kind of sex doesn't occur to common serving girls who are "just allowed to bounce on top". _The_ sex requires a proper partner and a little more preparatory rituals. We know that this is how his affair with the Inquisitor ends. Another natural candidate for a bottom among the potentially interested companions is, quite unexpectedly, a Vint, and Bull will have to use some special means to convince himself that this really is where he wants to go – that's, as I suppose, one of the little secrets behind the origins of DoriBull. Nonetheless, Iron Bull's indisputable, dominant attitude demands explanation with more than my speculation close to headcanon.

An urge to process the object before it is considered _appropriate for sexual aims_ – this form of control is far from manic or neurotic modes which I have mentioned while trying to reconstruct some psychological factors from Dorian's childhood. Some would probably account Bull's urges of this kind to non-abusive perversion. The modes of control I have mentioned before concern, respectively, desperately saving a good object from future loss, and adjusting the adequacy of one's own reparative efforts. In the case of Iron Bull, I would suggest that the manic tendencies are mixed with more apparent paranoid-schizoid behaviour. There, the urge to control aims at dangerous objects, and has a different source: the anal-sadistic aggression that contributes to paranoia.

In _Three Contributions.._. Freud provides a very broad introduction to the notion of infantile "sadistic" component of the libido. He notices a quite frequent phenomenon of finding early genital pleasure in physical activities like wrestling. The aggressive element in such activities suggests the presence of sadism (See: S. Freud, _Three Contributions to the Sexual Theory_ , [online edition](http://www.bartleby.com/278/2.html), section 43). It is quite likely that Iron Bull's sexual drive remains in this ambiguous mode of functioning all the time. In one of the banter exchanges with Cassandra he states explicitly that fighting provides him with quite undisclosed sexual arousal:

> IB: The way you backhanded that guy with your shield and then damn near chopped him in half?  
>  ( _if neither Bull nor Cassandra are in romance with the Inquisitor_ )  
>  IB: Hey, are you as turned on as I am right now?  
>  Cassandra: Am I what?  
>  IB: That's probably impossible anyway.

In other words, Bull's apparent erotomania is empowered by the fact that he's constantly in combat or thinking about combat. Moreover, the unaggressive encounters with serving girls probably bring Bull much less pleasure than BDSM practices.

Iron Bull's character traits which presented themselves in Seheron: discipline with a tendency to push himself too far, taste in well-ordered systems, and the fear of never being good enough for the superiors, bear resemblance to the developmental phenomena from Freud's-Abraham's description of the anal phase of development. Abraham investigated a peculiar hypothesis that some traits of the pregenital phases of development sublimate into particular traits of an adult character, and made effort to reconstruct a panoply of traits with infantile oral or infantile anal source (which are not, as might be misread, attempts to categorize human character in overall). At face value, the anal phase of development is focused on the training in cleanliness, just as the oral-sucking stage concerns nutrition and the oral-sadistic stage reflects weaning. On a deeper level, the anal phase is marked by training in obedience, submission, and sacrifice of one's own pleasures for external demands. Iron Bull seems to bear the traits of a neurotic person trained into submission too early and/ or excessively: showing complete obedience and agreeableness at face value, but wanting to watch the world burn deeper on the inside. What Abraham points out, in reference to Ernest Jones's work on the same topic:

> Jones emphasizes the fact that many neurotics of this class hold fast obstinately to their own system of doing things. They refuse altogether to accommodate themselves to any arrangement imposed from without, but expect compliance from other people as soon as they have worked out a definite arrangement of their own [...]  
>  [In Abraham's addition - SA] all such systems not only testify to an obsession for order in its inventor, but also to his love of power which is of sadistic origin. [...]  
>  The important thing to him is to preserve his right of decision. We frequently find in our psycho-analyses that a husband opposes any expenditure proposed by his wife, while he afterwards hands her of his 'own free will ' more than what she first asked for. (K. Abraham, "Contribution to the Theory of the Anal Character", _Selected Works_ , London 1927, pp. 376-377)

When it comes to the combination of anal-obsessional and infantile sadistic impulses, Abraham suggests that

> The sadistic element, which in a normal man's emotional life is of great importance once it has undergone appropriate transformation through sublimation, appears with particular strength in the obsessional character, but becomes more or less crippled in consequence of the ambivalence in the instinctual life of such persons. It also contains destructive tendencies hostile to the object, and on account of this cannot become sublimated to a real capacity for devotion to a love-object. For the reaction-formation of too great yieldingness and gentleness which is frequently observed in such people must not be confused with a real transference-love. (K. Abraham, therein, p. 380)

All these remarks sound at least alarming when applied to Iron Bull's love pursuits, especially the part with hidden hostility towards love objects (which, thankfully, appears to be vented safely through BDSM practices). In this particular case, Iron Bull's agreeable attitude might be a huge reaction formation to his general aggressivity – a defense which aims at mastering unacceptable or anxiety-inducing impulses by producing an excess of behaviour opposite to whatever's unacceptable. On the level of everyday live, more understanding openness and sincerity could take pretty much weight off of his efforts in anger management; still, it's hardly imaginable how a personality like Iron Bull could be persuaded to accept anything from outside his own scheme. Left as it is, his trained paranoid attitude and the acquired disposition to live behind a façade create a vicious circle: the more he lies, the more fearful (and fake, in consequence) he needs to be. Unlike Varric, whose stories _somehow_ usually get exposed (which would require separate investigation in itself), Iron Bull can make this circle spin for years.

Let us return to the banter about the serving girls: Bull tries to make it sound as if it did not really matter for him, and this time it might be true. If Inquisitor's party kills their first high dragon after having started the romance, preferably after Bull told them about the amulet, at the end of the prompt drinking scene afterwards a female Inquisitor can hear this:

> IB: Hey. Hey, Kadan, listen. I always want to say this, and I never can when we're off saving the world. You've got fantastic tits.  
>  Inq: Awww.

Either his panoply of compliments is really narrow, or he's not trying that hard to make the Inquisitor feel special. Frankly, when the hero gives Bull the dragon tooth amulet, it would be a bit naïve to consider his astonishment genuine. Bull's sweet talk always leaves the same problem: it's outright flattery, something the Inquisitor _would like to hear_ if they like Varric's romance novels just as Seeker Pentaghast. It's the same with the _Trespasser_ conversation about getting married:

> Inq: So, Bull, we've been together a few years now. You ever think of going... further?  
>  IB: I don't see how we can top that night we did it with you hanging from the chandelier.  
>  Inq: I, uh... that's not really what I...  
>  IB: You're my kadan. That's a choice I make every day. I don't need to be bound to it. But if you like the binding, then when this is over, we'll make it official, however you like.

A friendly reminder that Iron Bull might not need to be bound to anyone in sexual matters, generally speaking. All in all, he remains unfathomable in love just as in many other spheres of life. The awareness of this obscurity may leave a bitter impression that Iron Bull is simply indifferent in his apparently accepting, undiscerning attitude. Also, it seems to contribute greatly to the less kind reception of Iron Bull as a character. Nonetheless, it seems quite clear that the paranoid frame of mind is also bound to show itself in Iron Bull's love life, and giving all the space to his Boss could feel like Bull's exposing himself to direct threat. His _right of decision_ is still exercised within relationships with clearly defined roles. There are reasons to suspect that all the quirks of Bull's personality presented, when involved with Dorian, don't make it easier for either of the gentlemen.


	4. Part IV - The prettiest ones are always the worst: making love like it's a battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final glimpse on the DoriBull, mostly a deepened interpretation of their beginnings being _THE flirt_ , and the change apparently occurring between the main game and Trespasser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's DoriBull, some **additional warnings: dub-con/ disputable non-con, rape fantasy, verbal aggression, disputable verbal & sexual assault**

Now that I have portrayals of both Dorian and Iron Bull, I can introduce several assumptions to my interpretation of the romance between them. Iron Bull's Winnicottian true self seems to have taken away pretty much of his self-discipline, at it can also concern the conscious control over his own mind. He may come to a conclusion that he doesn't understand his actions as much as he used to think he does, and that would be a sign of progress.

Finally: at its critical point, the flirting between Bull and Dorian involves war rhetorics, and I am tempted to take this metaphor further, considering how the condition of war influenced Bull's emotional life. I would like to suggest that Bull's attitude towards Dorian is not entirely free of the paranoid component. Actually, Dorian's Tevinter identity might bring these paranoid components out clearer than they would present themselves in the relationship with the Inquisitor. I'd like to propose and interpretation that the way Iron Bull carries out his advances reflects his inner struggle to neutralise a strong revived anxiety situation, symbolised by war between the Qunari and Tevinter. Following the trace of paranoid states in Iron Bull, the infamous line spoken by Bull if he is taken to Redcliffe during _In Hushed Whispers_ may express more fearful reserve than thoughtless prejudice:

> IB: Watch yourself. The pretty ones are always the worst.  
>  Dorian: Suspicious friends you have here.

Dorian is not a graceful target for Bull's "mental readings", because Qunari's own fear may come to the fore this time, making Bull project more content into Dorian than he actually draws from within. This time, the projection won't be intentional, but defensive; and the defensive use of projective identification implies that Bull isn't supposed to know _all_ the impact of his words.

I have already mentioned that Bull's strategy of fulfilling wishes versus needs is most efficient under clear paranoid-schizoid splitting, when the good can be clearly separated from the bad, but may fail if the object of interest appears irremovably ambiguous. Bull has probably never faced physical attraction to a target that is otherwise considered hostile. If Dorian validated the hostile attitude unambiguously, it would be easier for Bull to pull the ropes this way and allow develop clear rivalry. Yet, Dorian's contribution isn't univocal though it's quite hostile either: first of all, he has a strong preconception of the "orthodox" Qunari. In the dialogue with a Qunari Inquisitor he ascribes hostility and thoughtless brutality to them: a Qunari Inquisitor must be a Tal-Vashoth since they didn't rush to kill him on sight. Dorian distinguishes the Tal-Vashoth as "easily [...] a different people altogether". Naturally, these preconceptions don't help him familiarize with Bull who emphasises his faithfulness to the Qun until the point of critical choice. Many of Dorian's statements about Bull, during the pre-romance banter and after, are unnecessarily rude, aiming to derogate Bull as unmannerly, brutal or even disgusting, also bringing out Qunari customs as insults:

> IB: Nice work with the magic back there, Dorian. You're pretty good with blowing guys up.  
>  Dorian: It's significantly more impressive than hitting them with a sharp piece of metal.  
>  IB: Hey, whoa, let's not get crazy!
> 
> Dorian: You seemes remarkably comfortable at the Winter Palace, Bull. [...] You didn't knock over a single priceless statue, or fart even once near the dessert table.  
>  IB: That you know of. [...]
> 
> Dorian: I hope it doesn't bother you to travel alongside a "Vint", Iron Bull.  
>  IB: That what you are? You people all kinda look the same to me.  
>  Dorian: I'm also a mage. Would you prefer me bound and leashed?  
>  IB: I'd buy your dinner first.  
>  Dorian: Hopefully before you sewed my mouth shut.  
>  IB: Depends how much you keep yapping.
> 
> Dorian: No Qunari would accept a Tevinter mage so easily... unless it was a ruse. When should I expect a knife in the back?  
>  ( _if the Inq is a Qunari_ )  
>  IB: You expect that from the Inquisitor too?  
>  Dorian: That's different.  
>  IB: Oh, pardon me, I thought you said " _no_ Qunari". Meaning we're _all_ blood-thirsty savages.  
>  Dorian: Fine. Not all of you.  
>  ( _regardless_ )  
>  IB: You ever use that fancy magic of yours to burn down a dormitory full of kids?  
>  Dorian: Er... not today.  
>  IB: [laughs] Then I wouldn't worry. Lot of people need a knife in the back first.
> 
> Dorian: [...] You stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden, with no thought save conquest [...]
> 
> IB: I think I know what your problem is, Dorian.  
>  Dorian: I have only the one? [...]  
>  Dorian: You're not suggesting we're similar.  
>  IB: How's that mirror treating you? Pretty picture, isn't it?  
>  Dorian: I may vomit. [...]
> 
> IB: [...] Oh... wait, did you "forget" them [the underwear - SA] so you'd have an excuse to come back? You sly dog!  
>  Dorian: If you choose to leave your door unlocked like a savage, I may or may not come.  
>  IB: Speak for yourself.
> 
> Dorian: Vishante kaffas! Do you even bathe?  
>  IB [If they've started an affair]: You like it. Sometimes. You want to watch, don't you?  
>  Dorian: I'd rather stand upwind.
> 
> IB: You doin' alright, Dorian? I know family stuff can be rough.  
>  Dorian: What would you know about it? True Qunari have no families. [...]
> 
> ( _at Skyhold, if asked about involvement with Bull_ )  
>  Dorian: [sighs] If only there were a single discreet bone in that lummox. [...]

Some people in the fandom called this outright racism; "Centuries of warfare with the Qunari do lead to this state of affairs". For Bull, the Qunari stereotype creates a great opportunity to conceal his true mental sophistication. Also, to cut the Vint down to size as long as he stays blinded with his presumptions. The early banter between Dorian and Bull shows limits of mage's open-mindedness, limits which are easily put to test by Bull as soon as he mentions his familiarity with Minrathous and appearance in Tevinter courts. It doesn't come as a surprise that Iron Bull poses as more dull than he is, selling Dorian a rather obnoxious lie that "You people all kinda look the same to me". It's also a great justification for Bull's apparent tactlessness.

Still, Dorian's Tevinter self-image itself is ambiguous: his criticism towards the countrymen, deathwish for the Venatori, and open-mindedness towards most of the companions. The Inquisition itself demands unity for the common cause, and neither Bull nor Dorian would wish to sabotage the group spirit with personal animosities. The difference is that Bull learned to use mental operations as a major defence from fear, while Dorian's defensive mechanisms mostly utilise passive aggression and a feeling of superiority. In this pairing, it is Dorian who will be more reckless about the implications of intentionally hurtful words. And a thought that the Bull is following a careful plan might be really frightening. The Qunari finds himself forced to find a way to pacify Dorian in his Seheron veteran's eyes to avoid escalation of conflict. As i suggest, he does it with a classical carrot and stick strategy.

Still, at some point he overblows it, spinning a phantasy of rape dressed in war rhetorics. Or is it the opposite, conquest presented as rape?

> Dorian: You stand there [...] with no thought save conquest.  
>  IB: That’s right. These big, muscled hands could tear those robes off while you struggled, helpless in my grip.  
>  IB: I’d pin you down, and as you gripped my horns, I. _Would_. Conquer you. [...]

At this point, Bull might be falling victim to his own projective identification, thinking that this is exactly Dorian's deep wish; and identification following an erratic (but common, unfortunately) conception that "he's been asking for it", while in fact everything happens in assailant's mind. And the thought that Iron Bull could actually produce a phantasy with this kind of content _is_ quite dark. For now I'd suggest to keep this double symbolism of Bull's statement in mind, and follow the less intuitive trace that he wants to conquer himself a Vint like the Imperium is trying to take something away from the Qunari. Like Seheron.

If it is so, then the whole course of Bull's innuendos seems to cover mental processes balancing between unconscious repetition and sublimation. Acting out, or repetition (in a special technical meaning), is a mechanism often considered to contrast with sublimation. While sublimation produces symbols to redirect patient's effort to remember their troubling past, acting out utilizes raw action to discharge unconscious content more directly, and make patient repeat without knowing that he in fact repeats. To Freud, the use of one or another depends on the force of resistance from mental healing. As he writes in Remembering, Repeating, and Working Through:

> Now having seen that the patient repeats rather than remembers, and does so under conditions of resistance, we may now ask what it really is that he repeats or acts out. The answer is that he repeats everything deriving from the repressed element within himself that has already established itself in his manifest personality – his inhibitions and unproductive attitude, his pathological characteristics. (S. Freud, "Remembering, Repeating, and Working Through", _Penguin Freud Reader_ , Penguin Books 2006, p. 395)

Melanie Klein places acting out among infantile neurotic reactions to primitive superego which offers the very same aggessive behaviour as expecation and punishment for failure, and may thus lead to vicious circles of antisocial behaviour (See: M. Klein, "Criminal Tendencies in Normal Children", "On Criminality", _Love_..., _op. cit_., pp. 170-185, 258-261). In the newer history of psychiatry, acting out is often connected with the borderline spectrum of personality disorders with prominent antisocial tendencies, but I won't need to reach there.

I believe that the trick in the particular case of Iron Bull is that sexual, aggressive or not, content is unlikely to be repressed with resistance from knowledge _so strong_ that it would produce brutal acting out instead of sublimation. He does safe BDSM after all. Whatever comes to his head in these matters should pass to the conscious mind processed to be played out in an acceptable environment. In other words: Bull flirting with Dorian is a creep but he doesn't seem a compulsive sexual assailant (if he were, he definitely wouldn't stop at his words). To some extent, he might even think that Dorian and he are _both_ actively roleplaying, and disregard that for Dorian the thing is, quite likely, as real as can be and potentially hurtful. I believe that the controversy of this act relies mainly on that it crosses the dangerous line in its symbolism, and remains in power in as much as we regard the performative force of words, but it does not aim at actual physical violence. Bull often thinks out loud about potential battle combos and ways to pacify encountered people, but it seems more like self-reassurance that he would know what to do in case of emergency than phantasies to be actually brought to life.

Besides, with the approach to sex typical to the Qunari culture, they probably wouldn't even think that sexual activities with the enemy could serve any purpose, be it humiliation, striking terror or sheer discharge of needs. With their natural temperament and virility (connected with being bred with dragons, quite likely) any failure in conduct despite the institutional regulation of these matters (let alone against it) must be severe insolence against the Qun. If such an idea wanders around their collective mind at all, it must be a Freudian-tier taboo, a sign of failure in being civilised, a distasteful thing that should never be desired. Their key to sexuality isn't even consent; it's about making a contract, preferably a contract ritualised and guarded by social institutions.

The situation of war, though, might slip out of Iron Bull's conscious control. If we strive for psychological realism, Bull's experience of Seheron must be at least partly buried down in the repressed unconscious. The Freudian kind of acting out, observed in diseases from the neurotic spectrum, is supposed to concern feelings and attitudes towards meaningful objects more than events in particular (see: S. Freud, "Remembering...", p. 394). As illiustrated in Dora's case of hysteria,

> [...] because of whatever unknown factor it was that made me remind her of Herr K., Dora avenged herself on me, as she wanted to avenge herself on Herr K. and left me, just as she believed herself deceived and abandoned by him. In that way she was acting out a significant part of her memories instead of reproducing them in the cure. (S. Freud, "Fragment of Analysis of Hysteria", _Penguin Freud Reader_ , p. 536)

Following this lead, I should presume that it was Bull's frame of mind during his service at war that served as the repressed core of his acting out, and that he repeats all the feelings of anger and inner anguish, with all the aggressive means of self-defense related. While Bull seems painfully aware which _external_ events infuriated him in the past, he doesn't have to remember how exactly he felt all this time or what exactly he did in battle amok, probably knowing only its dramatic consequences. This could contribute to the explanation why he got so frightened and desperate that he submitted himself to the reeducators. It could also endorse Bull's bitter (and ironic, as Cole suggests) self-image as a mindless weapon and strenghten his urge of self-control lest fury attacks ever repeat.

Considering Dorian's derogatory remarks, the Imperium might seem to be actally launching an assault, just as in real Seheron – utterly inefficiently, just "by force of habit". It can make sense if we consider that Seheron is supposed to be kept and protected by the Qunari, thus carrying traits of a threatened good object. The situation is very much complicated by the fact that Seheron betrayed Iron Bull and scarred him for life; Seheron itself could never be treated like a genuinely good object. Nonetheless, there was one piece of the puzzle undoubtedly worth protection: civillians, the little good kernel of Seheron surrounded by treacherous persecutive objects. Iron Bull was mostly a "policeman", a protector of order and well-being among the civillians. When the situation is revived in a different environment, the object of potential assault is rather clearly predefined. Deep inside, Bull might feel like he has something to protect from the little Vint – and his protective urges, as we know, are quite strong. If we're speaking about paranoid fear, he will mostly need to protect his injured true self. Thankfully, Dorian admits that he doesn't enjoy frying civillians that much, dismissing Bull's greatest rage trigger. Still, the presence of a bad-mouthed Vint puts his patience to test.1

Now to look at Dorian's side: the mage puts himself in a defensive position, expecting to be oppressed from every side. He's paranoid as well, with his anxieties concerning being accepted as a representative of Tevinter nobility. Plus, he's influenced by warfare between his homeland and the Qunari. As he mentions to a Qunari Inquisitor, skirmishes and small invasions are quite common in Eastern Tevinter, though, as Bull points out at some point, Dorian hasn't seen anything close to a "serious" Qunari invasion. Because Bull can't yet decide if Dorian's a friend or a foe, and because his aggression is more likely to be projected beyond the threshold of awareness, the mage receives a little of each Bull's strategy with a surplus: apparently expected oppression mixed with erotic interest, and probably also with a punitive pinch.

Iron Bull's follow an ingenious idea allows him to enter a well-defined role and saves him from mental confusion: that love could be made like war, and that conquest can be carried out through innuendos. He's the rightful defender and he will sway the nasty Vint or punish him... with snu-snu. That part of his mental process would be the sublimated attempt at working-through, as it involves symbolic conversion of violent phantasies to a more plausible framework. In a different phantasy, he pictures Dorian and himself as mirror images. I now believe that the banter presenting Bull as Dorian's mirror image should be read as two-sided, also containing Bull's ambiguous projection: fear mixed with desire, and a strong wish to break the prohibition. It's Bull's forbidden fruit just as much as Dorian's, and he projects his Tevinter taboo as Dorian is soon implied to hold a Qunari taboo.

The application of the conquest idea, however, breaks accepted social conventions: Bull takes the aggressive roleplay into an open space where it isn't necessarily needed. This is the point at which Bull seems to make a strategic mistake, estimating his own short-distance urges over the possibility of breaking the ice slowly but surely. These two aims entwine in Bull's behaviour, and the aim to form a truce is selectively expressed in both sides whenever they have actual discussion on their homelands' mutual relations. Still, in the "war" banter the principle of pleasure wins over the principle of reality, possibly exposing Bull's lapse out of self-control. Seems like Bull can't contain himself and wait for more plausible circumstances. Or, he aims specifically at belittling Dorian in front of others, but frankly there are many wiser ways to do it.

The nature of Bull's tendency to create illusions in general might be hard to grasp: it's been acquired through education, not sheerly through intrapsychic development; it's certainly habitual; Bull must consider it something morally good and socially useful, and he isn't the only person in Thedas to think so. In as much as habit becomes one's second nature, it might be compulsive – more like the neurotic rituals, as a means to maintain world order, than the impulsive borderline aggression. Nonetheless, Bull's manipulation doesn't seem a part of his illness, but a part of his ethical identity, secondarily used also to defend him from emotional injury. What seems the most troubling here is that Iron Bull is bound to conceal most of his influence to be efficient, even if this influence aims at social order and protection of others. Similarly, it might be completely clear what aim his efforts with Dorian have, but he wouldn't reveal what his consecutive steps to achieve the goal do to Dorian. Bull's effort to expose his Ben-Hassrath _modus operandi_ to the companions has varying impact, not necessarily making him more trustworthy.

Otto Kernberg argues in favour of normalising consensual sadomasochistic behaviour which utilizes aggressive means for love aims, thus respecting partners' emotional integrity. Bull's perversity in overall seems to fit within the milder part in Kernberg's distinction between perversion proper and perversity in transference (See: O. Kernberg, "Perversion, Perversity, and Normality", _Aggressivity, Narcissism, and Self-Destructiveness in the Psychotherapeutic Relationship_ , Yale University Press 2004, pp. 78-83). The latter is connected with the neurotic level of personality organisation and involves restriction of sexual activity by any component of the "polymorphous infantile perversity", a hypothetical constellation of partial drives proposed by Freud in _Three Contributions_ et. al.: regressions to pregenital developmental stages, sadomasochism, exhibitionism, voyeurism, fetishes etc. Perversion proper, on the other hand, is connected with personality disorders from the borderline level of organisation, pathological narcissism and prominent antisocial tendencies. The more severe set of conditions is exemplified in Magistrate's son from Dragon Age II rather than any character from Inquisition.

If we bear the rhetorics of Tevinter conquest in mind, Bull's situation presents itself as a bit more complicated than mild concentration of kink: it becomes unclear whether the metaphor of war dictates him just the means to begin a sexual affair, or also the end of the game itself; whether he's just seducing in a rather troublesome way, or also playing cat and mouse. It might be the latter considering perpetual verbal provocation from the other side. This is why Bull's flirting, despite Dorian's ultimate agreement, might after all appear too intrusive, and certainly crosses the line of good taste – making Iron Bull, _nomen omen_ , appear to act like a bully. Even though Bull is probably strongly pressured by his own fear, his words do create an impression of sexual harassment. Moreover, Bull's mental training makes the attacks spot-on while Dorian's contribution lacks that incisiveness, being more like a desperate logorrhea. Dorian had his episode of active bullying in Carastes, and all the derogatory expressions aimed at Bull might be a similar attempt at preventive self-defence through attack. I'd suggest that both parties involved are equally frightened deep inside, and in response they try to bully each other equally, only Bull's effort is more focused and thus more efficient in the end.

Dorian lets his guard down, taking his own preconceptions about Bull's dullness at face value. Still, the chemistry between them matches. The banter subtly suggests the exchange of body language, several univocally erotic gestures. While their egoes and cultural identities respond with hostility, the bodies and Freudian _ea_ 2 seem drawn to each other. Apparently, at some point Bull catches Dorian red-handed ogling not Bull as a whole but the "pillowy man-bosom" in particular:

> Dorian: I will never understand why Qunari warriors spend half their time running around bare-chested.  
>  Iron Bull: Thought you’d appreciate that.  
>  Dorian: It’s _stupid_.  They should wear armor. [...]
> 
> Iron Bull: Quite the stink eye you got going, Dorian. [...]

Iron Bull himself is only a little bit more discreet, fixing his eye underneath the bustling "skirt" of the robes. The banter in concern also appears _stupid_ because Dorian Pavus, an enchanter and intellectual, speaks Sera's typical expression of bafflement and mental blockade – another proof that he underestimates Bull's ability to manipulate despite knowing that he's facing a Ben-Hassrath, or he's already under the spell, or the first one making the second easier. Of course, his denial of physical interest at that rate is futile. The combination of Dorian's glances and implied phantasies of conquest draws out Bull's most straighforward move.

Last but not least, Iron Bull does not just phantasise about his sexual conquest. He _already_ performs it, as they stand, through words and emotional projections, engaging the play of power. His projections are, most likely, of anal-sadistic nature, aiming to control the object from his insides – to reflect the fact that the Tevinter army didn't seem as bad as the _infiltrators_ , and to put down roots in Dorian's submissive part. The bad news here is that Dorian's dad probably did it all the time in various ways. The better news is that Dorian has learned to deflect this kind of manipulation with denial and reaction formations: I'm never what you wanted, I won't be what you wanted. Denial is Dorian's predominant reaction to Bull's flirting, and the excess of passive aggression in it signalises an inner conflict.

Iron Bull knows it, he has already done reconnaissance in Dorian's reactions, and he knows that he succeeds everytime his remarks leave the Vint agitated. All the pleasure for Bull in the sequence of innuendos comes from seeing Dorian angry and evoking his aggressive response, because in Bull's eyes he deserves it, and because it probably _coincides_ with excitement (though, Bull may misjudge Dorian's excitement as _caused_ by his effort). But when Dorian mentions conquest and Bull overblows it, the Tevinter might be genuinely confused. For once, he doesn't have any derogatory comeback at hand:

> Dorian: [...] Um... What?  
>  IB: Oh... is this not where we were going?  
>  Dorian: No, very much not.

Because even if Dorian already desires the Bull at that point, he's unlikely to consciously want it since he doesn't seem to know it. As i would like to suggest, as soon as Dorian stops fuelling Bull with his frustration, Qunari's acting out comes to a standstill as well. The war vibes stop working. At that point, Bull might be flashed with a realisation that he's been doing something wrong, just as he gets a tiny blue screen when the Inquisitor tells him they don't want a ride at all. In the other flirting banters, Bull's analogies change to the mirror and forbidden fruit; instead of war, there's endorsement of curiosity and intellectual pursuit. And this is the moment when they both come closer to real contact. Bull has already learned that enmity can be dissolved as soon as a representative of a nation or group is acknowledged as an individual. Krem's not a Vint, Krem was hurt by the Vints. Iron Bull has reached Krem through participation in his personal story, sacrifice, and nurturing, however abrasive. Now, Iron Bull needs a way to discover Dorian as Dorian.

The information necessary to complete the picture most likely lies within _The Last Resort of Good Men_. Somehow, despite Dorian's insistence on secrecy in private matters, his father issues reach the entire Inner Circle, and many companions (including Tal-Vashoth Bull) express their sympathy. Though it is not said explicitly until we have completed _Demands of the Qun_ , making Bull a Tal-Vashoth, it is sensible to assume that the Qunari has learned Dorian's weakest spot. It isn't revealed either what happens to Dorian's birthright amulet if he does not romance the Inquisitor. Unfortunately, we can only speculate to what extent these experiences allow Dorian and Bull to get together. Yet, if I am allowed to draw an analogy with Krem's case: Bull might in the end help Dorian resolve his personal story, and a kind of "abrasive nurturing" seems to fit quite well in their demeanor. The element of sacrifice appears after Bull's personal quest, though it is not a sacrifice given to any person in particular (still, it can add a new dimension to Bull's romance with the Inquisitor as the person who recommended him the choice).

Sadly, the canonic installments don't provide us with any variety in romance based on Bull's choice (interesting as it is, it could be too demanding resource-wise anyway). Moreover, there are alternative universes of game choice where Dorian is gone for the entire two years before Trespasser while in romance, and the period of separation does not seem to affect his relationships whatsoever (unless the infamous issue of Dorian "friendzoning" the Inquisitor over certain dialogue choices after What Pride had Wrought is a game feature not a bug). These are the gaps to be filled with fans' imagination. Nonetheless, Bull's choice in Demands of the Qun could provide a major twist in his interaction with Dorian specifically, because of mage's own apprehensive approach to the Qunari. Anyway, if the party is betrayed in Trespasser, it's much easier to judge Bull as irrevocably untrustworthy all along, though this judgment can only be made in the hindsight. Dorian's reaction to the betrayal seems much too moderate for genuine love involvement – which leaves a disturbing impression that he lived from day to day with a person whom he granted very limited and shallow trust.

 

 **An unexpectedly long date with lots of something:**  
**DoriBull's longlivity**

Sometimes ignorance is a bliss, and the case of Dorian's involvement with Bull seems to prove it at face value. They apparently saw something in each other that night brightened up by liquor, and considering that both gentlemen are quite experienced drinkers, the liquor must have been pretty strong to start working like a truth serum.

A sad realisation returns: Dorian got used to scraping the bottom of the barrel. Encounters with the Tal-Vashoth "in his days" probably weren't all pure courtesy. He's likely to consider irritation and slight humiliation a small price for fairly stable committment. On a different level, he might secretly enjoy it, but if so, he'd better keep it a secret. Just like his taste in allegedly awful Fereldan alcohol. He can't invest trust too quick, nor can he admit to Bull at once. It's fundamentally different from his fear of appearing to exploit the Inquisitor; this looks like quite petty shame, lined up with continual mockery of Bull's "primitive" image. Which means that for now Dorian still refuses to acknowledge the man he has just started dating.

When asked about thoughts on having a boyfriend, Bull elaborates as if he was the experienced one and expresses goodwill (though the latter declaration at that point might be just as vague as most compliments from Bull). In fact, he might be the first one to come to any understanding of his new situation. He will try to grasp it through analogies he understands, observation he has made in Southern Thedas. He has already made effort to break Dorian's preconceptions through shared intellectual endeavour.

Dorian's more honest about his bewilderment. He gets _something_ he can't even name. Bull succeeds to find the right word: it's not love, as pointed out in banter with Varric, because love is too pure and idealistic for them, has too many sentimental connotations. Love is platonic, and in this sense Bull probably reserves the term "love" for friends. His involvement with Dorian is physically passionate, based on seizures of sensory overload and mildly aggressive emotional chemistry. In that environment, Iron Bull might even get a chance for a "psychoanalytic" realisation that sexuality extends much further than fulfilling a bodily need.

It would be naive to think that the dynamics of dominance and submisstion only occur between Dorian and Iron Bull in sexual situations. While with the Inquisitor, Bull actually limits his dominant behaviour to sex, declaring that in other situations Boss is the Boss. In DoriBull, on the other hand, the roleplay seems to prevail, at least on the verbal level. In the party banter occurring after they have become a couple, Bull saves pretty much of his coercive initiative: he still brags about their private affairs because of Dorian's frustration related, and tries to mark his terrority by telling Dorian "not to top from the bottom". Possibly, it only prevails as long as Dorian tries to express his superiority with impolite remarks. Bull still doesn't like his own visions questioned. But he also has interest in keeping a certain level of aggression between them as status quo: as he has already successfully tested out, verbal exchange can carry much sublimated libido. As long as the desire between Bull and Dorian remains connected with their anger, they might have a desirable kind of discharge everytime they squabble. For a man with needs like Bull, it's a jackpot. The only problem here is their ability to give each other pure, non-aggressive reassurance, as going on like this forever would be simply exhausting, especially that both have vulnerable egoes.

Paradoxically, this difference within Bull's romantic affairs may allow him and Dorian something that is hardly attainable between Bull and the Inquisitor: expansion of the emotional bond, in as much as the symbolism of power and submission used by Bull expands from raw sexual acts to the broader social context. I've mentioned that, despite Bull using the term _kadan_ , friendly devotion and sexuality between him and the Inquisitor seem to remain separated. While Bull's encounters with his Boss are supposed to temporarily reverse the everyday roles, the interaction between him and Dorian seems defined with more continuity and consistence. At least, it is Bull who appears more likely to aim at consistence, as he enjoys introducing order in general. Dorian's dialogue with the Inquisitor during their love scene leaves the impression that the future magister is, after all, a bit terrified with the strange notion of "relationship", and that his anxiety in this matter won't be mastered easily. Anyway, the steadiness of imposed roles, provided by Bull, combined with inescapable everyday contact with his object of interest within the span of the main Inquisition game, might be the new quality convincing Dorian that he's finally getting what he has always hoped for.

I have mentioned that Dorian's oedipal situation probably makes him more exposed to transference with figures partly resembling his father, with the traumatizing impact possibly sublimated as Dorian's slightly masochistic tendencies (including "looking good in ropes"). In the person of Iron Bull he probably found a daddy. Apart from that, there are several times when Dorian reveals sensitivity to receiving humiliation and calumny from people who are supposed to be _familiar_ , be it friends or gardeners. If this sensitivity in certain matters covers some kind of kink, Bull responds to the need brilliantly. Sabotaging Dorian's insistence on discretion, especially when it involves compliments on Dorian's prowess, sustains the ambiguity of feelings and can be easily blamed on "Bull's being Bull". Bull aims to keep the feeble connection between love feelings and aggression so he could neither seriously hurt Dorian (though in this matter he might miscalculate unless he masters his own fear in advance), nor expose himself as "too soft". Even though Dorian apparently doesn't mind being pushed over as much as he would declare, it does not automatically mean that his mate _should_ do it, though.

The problem is that Bull's evaluation of people's needs may seem quite shortsighted and insensitive to more objectivistic views on what's good for a person. The Qun wasn't entirely convincing even as the preferred option in Bull's scope; after becoming Tal-Vashoth he can spare himself that part of the inner struggle. And after he has learned a decent lesson in pluralism, Bull might not want to expand his personal notion of good beyond "a need fulfilled". Still, in Dorian's case he seems oblivious to the fact that there is such thing as inhibiton (like in Dorian's expression of loving feelings) which _won't_ heal from enforcement of the inhibited behaviour. In other words, if Bull wants to help, he's a bit too pushy. It is also unknown how much understanding Bull has for self-destructive tendencies in general – as we know, he used himself as a ticking bomb of rage in Seheron, and he didn't mind being disposed of if he turned out too dangerous. He may still unwittingly support his sweetheart's urges which won't necessarily help them advance. And in Dorian's case specifically, the two seem to share the risky love of liquor and bravado in combat. Besides, how should Bull evaluate which of his sweetheart's needs aim at their greater good? What if their equally worthwile needs or tendencies collide and Bull finally needs to take his own needs into consideration to know his next pursuit? Bull will be forced to face this problem when Dorian finds out about his promotion, most likely promotion to House Pavus Incorporated, not only to the Magisterium.

Complementarily to Dorian's object choice based on fatherly figures emanating with power, Bull already is a dad to a "crazy bunch" of outcasts from all around Thedas. Moreover, he has a general need to nurture, most easily expressed in regards with the rejected. As he gets to know Dorian's story better, he might take him into his life as another symbolic orphaned kid, on the level of their relationship comprised within the Qunari notion of a friend.

Dorianmancers tend to emphasise how their favourite ball of angst slowly untangles under Inquisitor's wing, allowing Dorian to express his love affection more freely. This does not happen with Iron Bull throughout the main game because Dorian and Bull have yet to work out the emotional equillibrium which otherwise seems present in Dorian's relationship since the beginning. The unfortunate clash between Dorian and Iron Bull, expressed in biting verbal aggression with dangerous projections intertwined seems somewhat inevitable considering their both anxiety problems. As long as we consider the state of affairs established in the main game, it might seem that the DoriBull is mismatched because of mutual animosity on many levels whose resolution would require much psychological work from both parties involved: overcoming the urges to display superiority over each other, building mutual respect and understanding, monitoring both their aggression etc.

Yet, the continuation of romance in Trespasser turns out gracious compared with the previous picture. Here we see them after the first period of ambiguous fascination, and might expect that the relationship has transformed since it survived in the first place. Bull and Dorian start exchanging titles of endearment in front of the party (though Dorian still seems frustrated about it at first), and their banter reveals more mutual concern and ouright sweetness. At that point, Dorian suggests that verbal teasing between them resembles "soldier's grief" exchanged between Bull and Krem, remarks which aren't hurtful anymore after a certain threshold of trust has been crossed – which doesn't mean that they have been like that since the beginning:

> IB: Oh, this is gonna be fun. The old team together again to kick some ass!  
>  IB: How 'bout it, _kadan_?  
>  Dorian: Ah... we're doing the names, are we?  
>  IB: It's a title of honor, _kadan_!  
>  Dorian: [despondently] I need a drink.  
>  IB: Do you want your _amatus_ to cheer you up? I could do some of those flexes you like.  
>  Dorian: [lusty giggle]
> 
> Dorian: Here we go again. What a change of pace from the Winter Palace. A clear sky, a beautiful view, and... yes! Fields and fields of stripweed as far as the eye can see!  
>  IB: You bring your hankerchief?  
>  Dorian: [on the verge of sneezing] I'm not _allergic_.  
>  IB: You always say that, and half-hour later you're taking mine.  
>  Dorian: _Amatus_ , can you not fuss like an old – [sneezes]!  
>  IB: AHA!  
>  Dorian: Let's move on, shall we?
> 
> ( _in the Winter Palace_ )  
>  Inq: Things are going good with the Bull, I take it?  
>  Dorian: He's happy I've returned, if that's what you mean. Nearly crushed three of my ribs with that ridiculous hug.  
>  Inq: You say that as if you don't like it.  
>  Dorian: For such a great beast, he's a terrible sap. "I want to talk about my _feelings_ , Dorian." Ugh.  
>  Inq [laughing]: You _do_ like it!  
>  Dorian [whispering]: Quiet, you. He'll overhear, and then where will I be?
> 
> IB: [...] when this is over, I'm gonna need somebody to hit me with a stick again.  
>  Dorian: I'm not sure whether I want that to be a metaphor or not.
> 
> ( _after the final showdown with Vidasala, if IB hasn't betrayed_ )  
>  Dorian: Are you alright?  
>  IB: Never better, _kadan_.  
>  Dorian: I'm glad to hear it... _amatus_.

The last conversation is, most likely, an ultimate incentive for Dorian to dismiss any suspicions of Bull's disloyalty and _finally_ get to trust him. At some point in Trespasser Dorian gets to ask an uncomfortable question whether Bull doesn't mind fighting his own people, and apparently the topic is only brought if Bull is Tal-Vashoth. It seems reassuring that they have cut down on verbally aggressive exchanges, and that Dorian worked out some distance to Bull's teasing. The banter with stripweed and handkerchief might leave an impression of DoriBull acting as an old, grumpy married couple (and if the graphical engine were a bit more sophisticated, we could probably see Bull actually harrassing Dorian's nosie). One statement in particular seems puzzling considering what has been already said about Bull's tendency to use manipulation instead of straightforward confrontation: Why would Bull want to talk about _his_ feelings in particular?

The first thing that comes to mind: only now have they made a solemn declaration and started to call each other loved ones. Once again, it is Bull who initiates it, at least in the party banter. Either it's Dorian's usual shy secrecy getting a push, or the mage still isn't entirely convinced (which would be sad). Considering both personalities combined, it's quite likely that it is the Bull who remains the silently controlling subject all the time, even if his action relies on actually letting Dorian "top from the bottom" and make suggestions. The proposition to discuss feelings might be a suggestion that Bull's confused with Dorian's inner struggle and wants a hint. Unfortunately, this time the feelings alone can't tell either of them what is the right thing to do. Bull probably senses that the freshly appointed magister will be weakened in the months to come, and that he shouldn't go alone. The other factor is the imminent shift in Dorian's social position which might turn out very painful, forcing him do uncover parts of personality he doesn't really want to uncover. While Bull isn't much of a therapist, he would certainly listen and analyse.

"He's such a sap", Dorian says, acknowledging the soft part of Bull's personality. Either he's painfully ironic, or he still underestimates Bull's manipulative skills, preferring to believe that _he_ is the smarter and superior one, that it's easy to take advantage of his _amatus_ \- which is too obviously false and might provoke quite a troubling conclusion that Bull's exposure of his fluffy "mother hen" side is exaggerated on purpose. But it appears that the two have grown closer with each other, while Bull's romance with the Inquisitor seems to remain at a complete standstill in this matter. Something possibly makes Iron Bull open up about his vulnerability; maybe it's Dorian's own anguish which demands constant nurturing. Maybe Dorian can teach Bull, like nobody else, that emotional vulnerability won't make him any less strong and manly in other connections, even if he still needs to leave some spy tricks up his sleeve. Anyway, this looks like progress, though the train appears to keep rolling mostly on Iron Bull's effort, with Dorian taking the attention he receives for granted and apparently thinking that he's the one with the upper hand. Still much work to do, work requiring much discussion between them and very close everyday contact, but continuing this course of events it could definitely pull off as a decent arrangement.

And right now, when things seem to slowly but surely fall into place, the element of tragism appears: Dorian's father's dead, and the heir decides that now is the time to leave for good. According to the future magister, Iron Bull wants to go with him, and looking how he has started displaying an openly overprotective attitude, this declaration must be sincere. Dorian himself is conflicted and Bull must face this conflict: Dorian's self-fulfillment as a politician in Tevinter versus Dorian's self-fulfillment in a love relationship. Both seem equally important, and Bull probably insists that he could help with both (frankly, having a good spymaster among friends never hurts). I have already suggested that, depending on romanced Inquisitor's origin, the conflict itself might be considered Dorian's own overprotective reaction, and an attempt to convince himself that he will worry less if he goes alone.

However, in the case of involvement with Bull, as well as a Qunari or an elven Inquisitor, the conflict gains a serious justification in reality. In the former two cases specifically, the Qunari have just shown their new dangerous ideas, and the Imperium is threatened with their increased attention. It isn't a good place for a Tal-Vashoth, let alone a Seheron veteran who has already pushed himself too far a few times seeing the misery of civillians. Iron Bull might be quite reckless in his belief that he would make it on Dorian's side for long. In fact, in Trespasser we might have witnessed something like "softening" of Bull, and what is interesting, this softening seems peculiar to his involvement with Dorian. Plus, he is still responsible for the Chargers, including a Tevinter army deserter and elves of varying origin, at least among the Chargers we have met in person. It's hard to believe that Bull would really consider leaving with Dorian just like that. Not to mention huge backlash at magister's conduct if anybody in Tevinter found out that he's with a Qunari (and Ben-Hassrath agents must be presented as the worst of their kind because of their remarkable ability to fit in). Dorian's relationship with Bull becomes a thorn in the side if he wants to follow his political ambition, and he wants it badly. This might in fact strengthen Dorian's belief that he should be ashamed of his involvement with a Qunari, not proud of it (and he's too proud to admit that Iron Bull might have changed his mind on the enemy race). It might be the case considering how long it takes him to call Bull his _amatus_ in front of his friends from the Inner Circle. In Bull's particular case, he remains surprisingly willing to play pretend in order to keep residues of the allegedly despised Tevinter sense of propriety.

Still, Dorian decides to go alone and thus deprives himself of a huge source of reassurance, whoever it is. Here, one particular problem appears: if we strive for some psychological realism, both Bull and Dorian seem, in their own ways, people who might grow detached without physical contact pretty quickly. Bull might try his splitting defence from attachment and other distractions to cope with loneliness. As Cole points out if Bull betrays the party, he can make all the pain disappear with a radical cut. Dorian will be preoccupied with his new role, and the social pressure won't make it easy for him to be Qunari-friendly. Dorian needs constant reassurance from others to "load his batteries" in general (or he will sadly replace it with a different kind of fuel), and detachment from his _amatus_ is a hard trial in any case. Both Dorian and Bull seem to have shown a shift from mutual paranoid mistrust, through the triumph of curiosity over fear, to restless overprotectiveness. Hopefully, Dorian hasn't got used to being pampered by his _amatus_ too much.

When it comes to any prospects for the future shared life of Bull and Dorian, the perspective drawn in Trespasser leaves little chance to let things fall into place. Trespasser epilogues, much as they are inconclusive and leave many fans embittered, suggest a kind of permanent hiatus with a rendezvous from time to time by the Nevarran border. Which leaves an impression that the logistics of a trip from Minrathous to Tevinter-Nevarran border, and migration from random locations in Southern Thedas thereto, haven't been very well considered, especially in the case of rescue expedition which is supposed to aim at saving people from an ambush (let alone the circumstances of the ambush itself, often mocked as an attempt to present Dorian as "a damsel in distress"). Long story short, another reason not to trust the epilogues. Speaking more realistically, despite everybody's increasingly good will, as it appears, DoriBull might ultimately be defeated by the circumstances, and Varric Tethras quite correct in his diagnosis about "two worlds tearing them apart".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be be happy if this piece could help lessen fandom hate. So if you consider this important, feel free to share as long as I get the credit.


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